Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #72
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man
Captain Stottlemeyer: On December 10, 1998, the day that they buried the time capsule, you were driving a rental car, weren't you?
Dennis Gammill: Mm-hmm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think that's strange. You driving a rental car in your own town.
Dennis Gammill: Oh, well, it was a special occasion. I wanted to arrive in something nice. What's this about?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's about Darren Leveroni. Do you remember him?
Dennis Gammill: Oh. Oh, yeah. Of course I do.
Adrian Monk: Your car, the one you didn't drive that day, was it a sky-blue Oldsmobile Cutlass sedan?
Dennis Gammill: Oh. Well, that was a long time ago. Uh, I think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: A witness saw a blue Oldsmobile leaving the scene of the hit-and-run. Now, I remember. I requested a list of registered owners from the D.M.V. That list came through your office, but your name wasn't on it.
Adrian Monk: Can you explain that, sir?
Dennis Gammill: I don't know. Oversight? Clerical error?
Adrian Monk: Where is that car today, Mr. Gammill?
Dennis Gammill: It was stolen. I reported it.
Adrian Monk: Pretty convenient.
Captain Stottlemeyer: A short time later you joined Alcoholics Anonymous, didn't you?
Dennis Gammill: Oh, I can't believe this!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I can't believe it either. I can't believe I missed it.
Dennis Gammill: Do you have a warrant?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.
Dennis Gammill: I didn't think so. You can't prove any of this, can you? I'm not sayin' another word. Here. It's my lawyer. Talk to him.
‘Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: The feeding schedule goes up to last Friday. He's- He's- He's loose. He's somewhere in the house. [jumps up on table] Come- Come up- Come on up here. It's plenty strong.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not getting on the table with you, Monk. I thought you were afraid of heights.
Adrian Monk: Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, I don't need the entire list.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: All right. Here's the question. Who would murder the oldest man in the world?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know what the question is, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay. Look at this. Book of World Records. Enrico Palamo. He was Italian. He collected yarn. He made the world's biggest ball of yarn. He was murdered three years ago, still unsolved.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, maybe the world's biggest kitty cat did that.
Lieutenant Disher: I think we might have a serial killer on our hands.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, God.
Lieutenant Disher: Somebody is killing world record holders. One at a time.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You think we oughta warn the fat twins on the motorcycles? Or, wait, wait, wait. Maybe we ought to put a 24-hour guard on the guy with the beard of bees.
Lieutenant Disher: I can never tell when you're being sarcastic.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm being sarcastic, Randy. Get the book outta here.
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's finished! The rug is clean.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Then what's the problem?
Adrian Monk: [stops vacuuming] The lines in the carpet. See? You went on a diagonal. I like to make a grid! It's no big deal. [resumes vacuuming]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You win. I give up. [pulls the plug on the vacuum]
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know what I'm gonna do? First thing in the morning, I'm gonna call the Vatican and I'm gonna nominate your late wife Trudy for sainthood! Because you are impossible!
Adrian Monk: The lines! They're all diagonal! I have to live here!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Forget about the rug! This is not about the rug! Do you know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor. You could save every marriage in California! All people have to do is live with you for two days! Two days! And they'd never complain about their spouse again.
Adrian Monk: What are you- What are you doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I am going home! I am gonna beg Karen to take me back. I'm gonna beg her to take me back. I'm gonna tell her I am a different man, and I will not be lying.