Captain Stottlemeyer: It's finished! The rug is clean.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Then what's the problem?
Adrian Monk: [stops vacuuming] The lines in the carpet. See? You went on a diagonal. I like to make a grid! It's no big deal. [resumes vacuuming]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You win. I give up. [pulls the plug on the vacuum]
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know what I'm gonna do? First thing in the morning, I'm gonna call the Vatican and I'm gonna nominate your late wife Trudy for sainthood! Because you are impossible!
Adrian Monk: The lines! They're all diagonal! I have to live here!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Forget about the rug! This is not about the rug! Do you know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor. You could save every marriage in California! All people have to do is live with you for two days! Two days! And they'd never complain about their spouse again.
Adrian Monk: What are you- What are you doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I am going home! I am gonna beg Karen to take me back. I'm gonna beg her to take me back. I'm gonna tell her I am a different man, and I will not be lying.