Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #469
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform the school board about your little drinking problem.
Helen Hubbert: What? I mean, how-
Adrian Monk: How? How? We're the FBI, that's how!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket.
Adrian Monk: And Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want the IRS to know about your second job. You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you? Have you been reporting all of your tips?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's looking inside your purse. He can see your wad of singles. Hey! Hey, Agent FBI Man, huh? [drags shoe across the mirror] Here, what do you think of that?
Adrian Monk: Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life. Linda Fusco will still be guilty.
‘Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we have some news, some good news.
Natalie: Yeah. We have good news. We think we know who killed Sean Corcoran.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's great. That was fast.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. This individual has a motive.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good. Motive is good.
Adrian Monk: Owns a shotgun, and had access to the house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, let's pick him up. What's his name? [Monk looks at Natalie] Monk, the suspect has a name, right? And what is that name?
Adrian Monk: ... Linda. Linda Fusco.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] That's hilarious. You got me. That's good. Ha! That's rich. See you guys manana.
Natalie: Captain? He's not joking. He never jokes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's true.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Excuse me. Could you fix the blinds, please?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't feel like it.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't talking to you. Ma'am? I'm gonna need you to fix the blinds at this time.
Helen Hubbert: Who is that?
Adrian Monk: I'm with the FBI. In Washington.
Natalie: Stop it.
Adrian Monk: D.C. Watching you on my computer. Screen.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't listen to him, ma'am. He is not-
Adrian Monk: Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to fix the blind. And while you're at it, pick up the Styrofoam pieces scattered about the room.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He is not a federal agent.
Adrian Monk: Yes, he- I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, he's not. He's an ex-cop who hates himself and hates his life and isn't happy unless everybody else is as miserable as he is!
Quote from Adrian Monk
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not Linda. She was 30 miles away. It was this woman we're holding, Helen Hubbert. Weren't you listening? She has no alibi!
Adrian Monk: Then it can't be her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: Think about it. That night, the killer was hiding in the bathroom. She could've shot Corcoran any time. But she didn't. She waited. Why? She needed a witness.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't have to listen to this.
Adrian Monk: Yes, you do! Leland, you're a cop. Look at it like a cop. Leland, the killer needed a witness to confirm the exact time of the murder. Why? There's only one possible reason. The killer had an airtight alibi for 7:20.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, wa- Because Helen Hubbert does not have an alibi, it means it couldn't be her?
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Her not having an alibi clears her?
Adrian Monk: That's right. It's the best alibi of all.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I am so glad we're not talking. I'm 51 years old. She's the last chance I have.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.