Adrian Monk Quote #1714
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not Linda. She was 30 miles away. It was this woman we're holding, Helen Hubbert. Weren't you listening? She has no alibi!
Adrian Monk: Then it can't be her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: Think about it. That night, the killer was hiding in the bathroom. She could've shot Corcoran any time. But she didn't. She waited. Why? She needed a witness.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't have to listen to this.
Adrian Monk: Yes, you do! Leland, you're a cop. Look at it like a cop. Leland, the killer needed a witness to confirm the exact time of the murder. Why? There's only one possible reason. The killer had an airtight alibi for 7:20.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, wa- Because Helen Hubbert does not have an alibi, it means it couldn't be her?
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Her not having an alibi clears her?
Adrian Monk: That's right. It's the best alibi of all.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I am so glad we're not talking. I'm 51 years old. She's the last chance I have.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.
‘Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend’ Quotes
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform the school board about your little drinking problem.
Helen Hubbert: What? I mean, how-
Adrian Monk: How? How? We're the FBI, that's how!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket.
Adrian Monk: And Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want the IRS to know about your second job. You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you? Have you been reporting all of your tips?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's looking inside your purse. He can see your wad of singles. Hey! Hey, Agent FBI Man, huh? [drags shoe across the mirror] Here, what do you think of that?
Adrian Monk: Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life. Linda Fusco will still be guilty.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we have some news, some good news.
Natalie: Yeah. We have good news. We think we know who killed Sean Corcoran.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's great. That was fast.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. This individual has a motive.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good. Motive is good.
Adrian Monk: Owns a shotgun, and had access to the house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, let's pick him up. What's his name? [Monk looks at Natalie] Monk, the suspect has a name, right? And what is that name?
Adrian Monk: ... Linda. Linda Fusco.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] That's hilarious. You got me. That's good. Ha! That's rich. See you guys manana.
Natalie: Captain? He's not joking. He never jokes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's true.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Excuse me. Could you fix the blinds, please?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't feel like it.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't talking to you. Ma'am? I'm gonna need you to fix the blinds at this time.
Helen Hubbert: Who is that?
Adrian Monk: I'm with the FBI. In Washington.
Natalie: Stop it.
Adrian Monk: D.C. Watching you on my computer. Screen.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't listen to him, ma'am. He is not-
Adrian Monk: Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to fix the blind. And while you're at it, pick up the Styrofoam pieces scattered about the room.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He is not a federal agent.
Adrian Monk: Yes, he- I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, he's not. He's an ex-cop who hates himself and hates his life and isn't happy unless everybody else is as miserable as he is!