Monk - Lieutenant Disher Quote #333
Adrian Monk: Where's the towel? There's no towel next to the pool. I wouldn't go swimming first thing in the morning in October without a towel. I mean, I wouldn't go swimming anyway, but you see what I mean. I think she was killed.
Lieutenant Disher: Let me guess. The victim was not afraid of water. It's him, The Opposite Killer. That's his M.O.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There is no Opposite Killer. If there were, you would have been killed by a falling rocket scientist years ago.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Natalie: So it was suicide?
Adrian Monk: I don't think so. Look at his wrists. Hair has been pulled out. Someone taped them. He was tied up.
Lieutenant Disher: Could be a serial killer. He's killing people according to their phobias. This guy was afraid of heights, so he pushed him off the roof.
Adrian Monk: Augie wasn't afraid of heights. He was afraid of spiders.
Lieutenant Disher: That's different. It's killing people using the opposite of their phobias. The Opposite Killer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So you're saying the opposite of a spider is a tall building?
Lieutenant Disher: What do you think the opposite of a spider is?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I have no idea, but it's not a tall building.
Lieutenant Disher: Mmm. Tell that to the Opposite Killer.
Natalie: Are you crying?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, I have allergies.
Quote from Harold Krenshaw
Dr. Bell: All right, hold on here. Adrian was trying to warn us.
Harold Krenshaw: A classic cry for help. Or was it an attempt to divert suspicion? Hmm. Do you even have an alibi for Wednesday?
Adrian Monk: No.
Harold Krenshaw: How about when Barbara was killed? [Monk shakes his head] Of course you don't. Here's what happened. The HMO changed their policy, no more private sessions. You were desperate. You needed to kill one of us so there'd be an opening in the group. Do you deny it?
Adrian Monk: [stands up] Of course I deny it.
Harold Krenshaw: Which is exactly what a guilty man would say!
Adrian Monk: That's true.
Harold Krenshaw: Augie was next. You lured him up to the roof. It was easy. He trusted you. But I don't. You're planning to pick us off, one by one, until you have Neven all to yourself. He's the guy.
Dr. Bell: Harold, what you are suggesting is absurd. Adrian's not capable of killing anyone. Mr. Monk, you're not a killer.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: "Fear of bees."
Dr. Bell: Bees. Well, luckily we live in a more urban environment, so the fear of bees...
Adrian Monk: Pass. Fear of blenders.
Dr. Bell: Well, if you don't own a blender, then, actually...
Adrian Monk: Pass. "Fear of bees in blenders."
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion
Lieutenant Disher: Captain? I tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number one, it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He, uh, got a waiver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. Number two, he's dead. He died in 1995. And number three, he moved to Europe in the late '80s. So there's no record of him ever returning-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. Randy, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you read number two again?
Lieutenant Disher: Okeydoke. He's dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. See, I probably would have stopped reading after number two. In fact, I would have read number two first.
Lieutenant Disher: You would have switched, 'em?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is the Best Man
Lieutenant Disher: So who's on your short list?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, or both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.
Quote from Mr. Monk on Wheels
Captain Stottlemeyer: Ah, tough guy, eh? Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lieutenant Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lieutenant Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lieutenant Disher: No, he shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lieutenant Disher: I did. It's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for god's sake, what are you two married, or what?