Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #248
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk, Private Eye
Natalie: Ms. Fusco, can we help you?
Linda Fusco: Yes, I would like to drop this off. Here is an estimate from the body shop. My new bumper's going to cost $900. And when you find this son-of-a-bitch, I want you to make him eat this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait a minute. This is your big case? A fender bender. How'd you keep this out of the paper?
Linda Fusco: It is important to me, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. By the way, sorry about the divorce. I've been in real estate for 14 years, and I can smell divorce from 100 yards away. Whose couch are you sleeping on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, I'm not sleeping on a couch.
Linda Fusco: It's a futon.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you, Randy.
Linda Fusco: Well, when you are ready for your own apartment, why don't you give me a call?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe I will.
Linda Fusco: Oh, I know you will. As a matter of fact, I could show you a couple of things right now.
Captain Stottlemeyer: As a matter of fact, I've got a little time right now. My car or yours?
Linda Fusco: No, I always do the driving.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll bet you do. Let's go.
‘Mr. Monk, Private Eye’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Wait. I can't go. The boat is on the water. I don't do water.
Natalie: You can't swim?
Adrian Monk: To be honest, I don't know.
Natalie: You don't know.
Adrian Monk: I mean, I know how to swim technically. I've just never actually, you know, done it. All right, I took a correspondence course.
Natalie: You learned to swim by mail?
Adrian Monk: They sent me a little diploma. And this.
Natalie: "Swimming Fundamentals. Don't panic. Breathe normally. Keep kicking."
Adrian Monk: Can I have that back?
Natalie: Why did you even take the course? You never go near the water.
Adrian Monk: Hello? Tsunamis.
Quote from Natalie
Natalie: Okay, there it is. That's his boat. All right, so his car wasn't in the lot, so, uh... Let's do it.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Don't. We don't have a warrant.
Natalie: We don't need a warrant. It's a boat.
Adrian Monk: Well, that's completely false, but it sounds good.
Natalie: Let's do it.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: Okay, so I've been thinking about this. And, uh I think you should start your own company. Be a private investigator. I mean, really go for it. Hire a PR person. Be aggressive. Advertise. Get new clients.
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there are other detectives out there with a fraction of your talent who are getting rich. You're Adrian Monk. People will pay a fortune to hire you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, that's something to think about.
Natalie: I thought you'd say that, so I did what Grandpa Neville did, and I took the initiative.
Adrian Monk: "A. Monk. Private Investigations" $85? That's 85 cents a card.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, that doesn't matter. You can't be afraid to take risks.
Adrian Monk: I think I can. In fact, I think I already am. Hold on. Germs, heights, snakes, milk, needles, risk. Yeah, it's on there. Number six.