Claire: I've read the same chapter eight times, still don't get it.
Luke: Just say, "It holds a mirror up to society." You'll get your "C" and get out of there.

Jay: [aside to camera] Being in the closet business, I met a lot of famous people. I can't name names, but let's just say it's someone who's the boss.
Gloria: [gasps] You met Bruce Springsteen?
Jay: No, Tony Danza.
Gloria: Oh, from the TV show? Nah, she was the boss.
Jay: It's open to interpretation.

Lawyer: Do you have any experience with law enforcement?
Jay: Big time. I-I don't trust, uh, cops. Also, I despise robbery victims. They're the real criminals for clogging up our court system.
Judge: Nice try, Juror 3.
Jay: What about economic hardship? The last time I missed work, the California closet market collapsed. Some people think that caused the L.A. Riots.