Phil Quote #108

Quote from Phil in Not in My House

Claire: Luke was using my computer for this.
Phil: I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back. [hangs up]
Claire: He told me he needed it to do homework, and then I find this, a-a picture of a topless woman, with the biggest boobs I have ever seen, driving a tractor.
Phil: Okay. Um- Uh, first of all, that's a combine, not a tractor.
Claire: Phil! Phil! It is smut, and our 10-year-old is looking at smut! It's disgusting!
Phil: Completely unacceptable.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Here's the thing. That was my picture. Well, not really mine. There's this guy at work who sends out these links. Doesn't matter who. Gil Thorpe. He sent out another one of the same woman dressed as a battleship. You know, the- You get- Yeah. And then one of the Transformers- And then it- Anyway, I had every intention of telling Claire. I just wanted her to calm down first.

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 ‘Not in My House’ Quotes

Quote from Jay

Jay: Who are we kidding? We both got it pretty good. Hell, I'm probably fighting with your mom more than I'm fighting with Gloria on this thing.
Mitchell: A bird fell out of a tree and he fed it with an eyedropper.
Jay: Just drop it, kid. We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff, but you want different. Your mom and I were perfect on paper and you know how that ended. [holding Barkley's hands] What I got now is a lot better. Sure, people look at us sometimes. And sometimes even I can't believe we're together. But we're happy. At the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather come home to.
Mitchell: You mean Gloria.
Jay: Who else?

Quote from Jay

Jay: Looks like I missed the party, huh?
Mitchell: What is- What is that doing here?
Jay: He is a gift for you and Cam.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Jay: He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
Cameron: Well, they love that.

 Phil Dunphy Quotes

Quote from Hit and Run

Phil: [aside to camera] I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women: Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams... Wait a minute.

Quote from En Garde

Phil: [aside to camera] What does it take to make a great salesman? It's no big secret. You just follow the ABC's of salesmanship: Always Be Closing. Don't Ever Forget Great Home Ideas Just Keep Lurking Mostly Nearby.
Often, People Question Realtors' Sincerity. Take Umbrage. Violators Will- Oh, shoot