Malcolm Quote #557
Quote from Malcolm in Victor's Other Family
Malcolm: [to camera] Jerome's amazing. He was born with the same brain as me, but he used it to become friends with the kind of popular, well-adjusted people who hate me.
Jerome: You're right. Nobody cares about student council. But I say what's bad about getting together, planting a few trees and making the school a little more pleasant for everyone?
Malcolm: [to camera] Wow. Jerome took something seriously and didn't get laughed at. That's like the triple Lutz of high school socializing. [Jerome falls through a chair] I'm glad it's him, not me! [Jerome laughs it off] Why couldn't that be me?
Jerome: Hey, don't forget about tomorrow night - karaoke party.
Malcolm: You do karaoke?
Jerome: Yeah, you should come.
Malcolm: Uh, karaoke's not my thing. I mean, you can probably sing.
Jerome: No, I can't. I'm terrible.
Malcolm: Then why do you do it? Aren't you afraid you'll look like a total idiot?
Jerome: Hey, if you're afraid of looking stupid, you'll never have any fun.
Malcolm: [to camera] He's forgetting about fun at someone else's expense. God, he's so much better than me.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Victor's Other Family’ Quotes
Quote from Ida
Lois: [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Mom.
Ida: I lost the case. They said I was never legally married to Victor because there were no documents. Oh, that judge had guts after what I mailed him.
Lois: That's very sad, Mom.
Ida: Not married! Victor came to my house and defeated each of my brothers in combat. The proof was the bite marks on his back!
Quote from Ida
Lois: Aha! A canceled check for Dad's cyst removal with your signature on it!
Ida: Beautiful! Let them try and say that's not a marriage! And look! The pig Victor got for my dowry!
Lois: It might take a year or two, but we are gonna get that 40 bucks out of their eye sockets! [Ida laughs] You know, Mom, if this thing does go to trial, it might help us if you worked a little bit on your demeanor. You know, when you deal with other people, you could be pleasant and say, "How are you?" And that way people will think that you care about their feelings, and then they might care about yours.
Ida: What the hell are you talking about?
Lois: I'm just trying to help you.
Ida: I know you are, Vuschka. I'm sorry. It's just a lot for me to remember. You can show me more tricks tomorrow.
Lois: It's kind of funny, huh, Mom? After all these years, you and I are actually helping each other.
Ida: Well, you live as long as I have, you get used to anything.
Quote from Ida
Lois: It's the results of the blood test that lawyer wanted me to take. This says paternity is genetically impossible. This says that Dad is not my father!
Ida: I was 80% sure you were his.
Lois: What?!
Ida: The very second Victor walked in the house, I dragged him to the bedroom. I guess his soldiers got outflanked.
Lois: What?! Mother, how could you do something like that?!
Ida: I was lonely. Your father had a lot of business trips. Now we know what his business was.
Lois: Then who is my father?
Ida: Oh, what do you want to get into that for? Radu Gogorsky. The only interesting thing about him was he could walk up a flight of stairs on his hands.
Lois: What about Susan? Is she Dad's daughter?
Ida: Anything's possible.
Lois: How could you lie like this?
Ida: Sweetie, don't be upset. We can change this "A" to a "B." The judge will completely buy it.