Lois: Okay, hold still.
Dewey: I don't think I want to be in this play. Now, I've been doing some reading, and this Lincoln person wasn't such a great guy. Did you know that the Emancipation Proclamation wasn't about slavery at all? It was strictly a political move.
Lois: Honey, you're just nervous 'cause you've never had a part with lines before. Or where you move.
Dewey: For the love of God! He suspended the writ of habeas corpus in Maryland!

Craig: Isn't this interesting? Once more, I'm the only person that can help you. I'm your best friend when you need someone to pick up your mail or sit on a suitcase, but when it's time for a barbecue, I have to watch from the car. I got to tell you, Hal, this beer is tasting mighty bitter. [drinks] I'll take another.
Hal: Are you going to help me or not?
Craig: I will help you. But one day - and that day may never come - I will ask you to perform a service for me. Actually, it'll be tomorrow. I'll be here about 10:00, and if it's nice, wear a bathing suit.

Hal: All right, two scoops, fudge ripple. Now are we going to the comic book store?
Craig: [imitates Yoda] Patience, Luke. You are reckless.
Hal: We've gone to the beach, we've gone to the movies. I won you an animal at the church bazaar. We've gone out for coffee, lunch, Slushees, pie.
Craig: [normal voice] I can't negotiate unless I'm firing on all cylinders.
Hal: Just how many cylinders do you have?
Craig: Pull over.
Hal: No, you're right. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.
Craig: Pull over.
Hal: Craig, I am not pulling over.
Craig: Just let me out of the car.
Hal: Craig, I am not stopping this car. [Craig blows a whistle] All right, all right! Calm down.
Craig: You are going to have to learn how to get along without Craig Feldspar. My ducky. [toy squeaks]