Craig Quote #55
Quote from Craig in Dewey's Dog
[Hal walks into the break room with a boom box playing Rod Stewart's "Tonight's The Night", which he lip syncs to]
Lois: Hal, what are you doing here?!
Hal: Well, you're off work in five minutes and I am here to whisk you away for a night of romance.
Lois: Oh, honey, that's so sweet but I can't. I've gotta cover for Craig tonight.
Hal: Why?!
Lois: Oh, he's sick as a dog!
Hal: Come on. You know that guy's the biggest faker in the world! The last time he was out with the flu, we saw him jumping up and down in the window on the Today Show!
Craig: [congested] That doesn't mean I wasn't sick. You didn't happen to tape that, did you? I set my timer wrong.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Dewey's Dog’ Quotes
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: Ever since the day I was born, you guys have been torturing me. I remember you trying to switch me for another baby at the park. I remember you telling me the tooth fairy was a vampire. I remember every wet willy, every booger sandwich, every stink hat-
Reese: Dewey, we're sorry!
Dewey: ...every waffle butt, every Chester Backster and every purple nurple! And now you're going to pay. [Marshmallow barks]
Malcolm: Dewey, this isn't gonna work. Mom and Dad'll be home in a few hours, that dog will be gone, you'll be in trouble and we'll kick your ass for the next ten years!
Dewey: I know. So we'd better get started.
Malcolm: What do you want?
Dewey: Everything. I want everything.
Quote from Dewey
Hal: I don't understand it! An entire roast?! With your bare hands?! And the... the... The salad, the potatoes, the green beans! What do you have to say for yourself?!
Dewey: I was hungry, I guess.
Reese: [to Malcolm] This is great. Let's tell him about the dog and really nail his coffin shut!
Malcolm: Not yet. I have a hunch.
Hal: An entire stick of butter?!
Reese: Now! Let's tell them now.
Malcolm: Wait for it, wait for it. Wait a second.
Hal: How could you eat a candle?
Dewey: I like candles. [bites off a chunk of candle] I think they're good.
Hal: That's it! You are going to the hospital and getting your stomach pumped!
Quote from Spangler
Francis: I couldn't sleep at all last night.
Eric: Me, too. It's like there's something creepy in the air.
Spangler: Francis!
Francis: Commandant Spangler!
[Eric drops a tray of cutlery as he salutes]
Francis: What are you doing in Alaska?
Spangler: I've come for you, Francis! I've been searching for you for months.
Francis: Me? Why?
Spangler: Why? Because... after 32 years as an educator and disciplinarian, your desertion stood out as my only failure. A failure that... haunted my every waking moment. I began to see your face in those of other young cadets who didn't deserve the wrath that I poured down on their innocent souls. There was a lawsuit. Charges were filed. Disgrace. I can't even remember the fire but I do... remember... the cause! Through all of my suffering... I saw the stupid grinning face of the one person responsible for all of my suffering!
Eric: Who?
Spangler: Die! Die! Die! [whimpers]
Francis: Sir, cut it out, your hooks are cold. [Spangler sobs]