Hal: Mmm, I'm starving. What's for dinner?
Lois: Leftover parfait.
Malcolm: [to camera] It's even worse than it sounds! Once a week Mom cleans out the fridge. Anything that doesn't actually have something growing on it gets thrown in a casserole and served for dinner.
Reese: Did we have spaghetti or Chinese food on Thursday?
Dewey: Neither.
Lois: [to Hal] Ah, no digging!
Malcolm: Sunday, Saturday, Friday. It finally happened! The fifth level of this week's leftover parfait is last week's leftover parfait.

Lois: A prostitute. This guy was convinced I was a prostitute. You know, ever since I got your stupid report, I have been feeling like everything I ever believed in was wrong. Well, I think this little incident gives us both a much-needed clarity. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna wash my face. And when I come to work tomorrow, I'm going to do the same extraordinarily good job I've been doing all these years. I'm going to do it in my 99-cent mascara and, if the mood strikes me, a hair clip and that's it. And if that's not good enough for you, so be it. [to the man] Thank you. [exits]
Mr. Fisher: Well, Steve, are you gonna tell my sister, or should I?

Craig: You're right. This is ridiculous. "Apathetic, lazy, overweight." What planet are these people from? I'm taking a fiver.