Hal Quote #174
Quote from Hal in The Grandparents
Hal: Why don't we sit down? First off, I'm not here to try to sort out the complicated relationship you have with the woman I love. That's not my place. And I know it would be folly to try to put a price on the deep psychological trauma that you've caused Lois through the years. But let me take a stab at it anyway. $3,000 sound okay to you?
Victor: What?
Hal: Well, that would pretty much cover the fridge, the collateral damage, pay off a few credit cards, and finally get the transmission fixed on my car.
Victor: Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?
Hal: Please. I know you're uncomfortable lending to family, so let's be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So... this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.
Ida: It's like your brother Vasclev all over again.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘The Grandparents’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Malcolm: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: Malcolm, listen, I need to know what Mom used to put in the hot tea when we were sick. Is she around?
Malcolm: I think she's changing the sheets on their bed. Grandma and Grandpa are here.
Francis: Oh, you're kidding. So, did they knock, or did you just hear their cloven hooves clatter up the driveway?
Malcolm: I can't be sure, but I think Grandpa spit at me.
Francis: Look, don't take it personally. They're primeval creatures with tiny little hearts.
Malcolm: Yeah, but there must be some reason...
Francis: Malcolm, they have stupid lizard brains. They're threatened by anyone with an ounce of ambition or intelligence. They'd eat you if they had better teeth.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Never thought I'd beat you home.
Lois: Uh, they had us keep both registers open till midnight. What kind of idiot needs a beach ball at 11:00 at night? Did you make the kids' lunches?
Hal: Oh, right. No, not yet. I've been kind of tied up here. You know, I discovered something kind of interesting, yeah. Now, it appears the circular cubes cool quicker, but the crescent ones last longer.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake, Hal, will you quit playing around? That is a rectal thermometer.
Hal: I'm going to go brush my teeth.
Quote from Ida
Lois: Sorry about the takeout. I don't know what the deal is with the fridge.
Victor: What do you expect? That brand is dishufka.
Ida: [to Dewey] That's it. Fatten up on pizza. Good luck running when they come with the dogs and chase you into the hills.