Hal Quote #171

Quote from Hal in The Grandparents

Hal: Never thought I'd beat you home.
Lois: Uh, they had us keep both registers open till midnight. What kind of idiot needs a beach ball at 11:00 at night? Did you make the kids' lunches?
Hal: Oh, right. No, not yet. I've been kind of tied up here. You know, I discovered something kind of interesting, yeah. Now, it appears the circular cubes cool quicker, but the crescent ones last longer.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake, Hal, will you quit playing around? That is a rectal thermometer.
Hal: I'm going to go brush my teeth.

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 ‘The Grandparents’ Quotes

Quote from Francis

Malcolm: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: Malcolm, listen, I need to know what Mom used to put in the hot tea when we were sick. Is she around?
Malcolm: I think she's changing the sheets on their bed. Grandma and Grandpa are here.
Francis: Oh, you're kidding. So, did they knock, or did you just hear their cloven hooves clatter up the driveway?
Malcolm: I can't be sure, but I think Grandpa spit at me.
Francis: Look, don't take it personally. They're primeval creatures with tiny little hearts.
Malcolm: Yeah, but there must be some reason...
Francis: Malcolm, they have stupid lizard brains. They're threatened by anyone with an ounce of ambition or intelligence. They'd eat you if they had better teeth.

Quote from Ida

Lois: Sorry about the takeout. I don't know what the deal is with the fridge.
Victor: What do you expect? That brand is dishufka.
Ida: [to Dewey] That's it. Fatten up on pizza. Good luck running when they come with the dogs and chase you into the hills.

Quote from Reese

Victor: We're back. Still no parents? If you're going to work all the time, don't have children.
Malcolm: Hey, I wanted ice cream.
Reese: I don't blame you.
Malcolm: Why do they always do that? They take you for ice cream and stuff and never ask me.
Reese: I've thought about that. And I think they see me as the protector of the bloodline. If the future's half as bad as Grandpa and I suspect, the only survivors are going to be mutants, cockroaches and me... all living underwater. Let's face it: they're backing a winner. Oh, man, I'm stuffed. I shouldn't have had a second one.