Hal: What's wrong?
Lois: The boys.
Hal: Oh. Don't let them get to you. They'll be out of the house in ten years. What did those mean boys do, huh?
Lois: I gave them 30 dollars to buy something nice. They spent it all on themselves. They don't even care it's my birthday.
Hal: Well... Those boys are going to hear from me, let me tell you. They are going to get one heck of a talking-to. And then... I think I'll go for a drive. I'm just so furious. [walks into the kitchen] Damn it, damn it, damn it! Her birthday's on the 12th! Look at the... [digital watch beeps] Oh! No, no. No, I programmed this stupid watch to remind me that... Oh! [slams watch] [shouts] You boys are in so much trouble! [quietly] You've got to help me on this. [shouts] I can't believe that you could be so thoughtless! [quietly] We all screwed up really big this time. [shouts] I have a good mind to use the belt on all three of you!
Malcolm: Why are you yelling at us?
Hal: Sorry isn't good enough, mister. [shouts] I forgot your mom's birthday. [gasps] [whimpers]

Hal: Oh, geez, honey, that's... never going to happen.
Lois: What?
Hal: We're not smart enough to do that. Look who you're talking to. You might as well ask us all to be a foot taller. Sweetie, you're always going to have to tell us what to do. I mean, look at this half-baked celebration. I mean, we're at the top of our game here. Honey, the only thing that we're ever going to be able to offer you is our total abject obedience. I- I know that doesn't sound like much, but if you look at it this way, our meager abilities are yours completely. 100%.
Clown: Listen, wide ride, these guys are just trying to do something nice for you. Give them a break.
Hal: I'm sorry. Did you just call my wife "wide ride"?
Clown: Oh, okay, I get it. You gotta make a big show for... [Hal punches clown]
Hal: Now, you're going to get up and apologize... [clown punches Hal]

Craig: Hi, Hal.
Hal: Craig, what do you want?
Craig: Well, Lois and I had an exchange, and I felt bad... so... I'm sure she told you all about it.
Hal: No, actually, she didn't say anything. Craig, we're in the middle of...
Craig: Well, it's complicated. You see, I didn't buy Lois a present even though I wanted to, and I thought "This is silly", so I went ahead and got her one and... here it is.
Hal: Oh. Great. [chuckles] I'll... I'll take it in to her right now. Oh, such a nice... nice gift.
Craig: You know what? On second thought, uh, I can take care of this tomorrow. I'll bring it in to work.
Hal: Oh no, It wouldn't be any trouble at all. Really. [chuckles] No, I'd be happy to take it in to her.
Craig: Yeah, I'd really hate to put you out.
Hal: Don't be silly. [both chuckle] Give it. Give it.
Craig: Lois, it's Craig! He's stealing your present! It's a present that I paid $129 for!