Hal Quote #841
Steve: Well, what a shame. But you know sometimes people just cling to these relationships that don't make sense to anybody else, right, Hal? [chuckles]
Hal: What?
Steve: Nothing.
Hal: No, you clearly said something. What are you- What are you driving at?
Steve: Well, it's just that, you know, you're so fun and Lois is so... Mojitos?
Hal: No, no, mojitos. You were saying something about my wife, so let's just... hear it.
Steve: Well, um, this is nothing against you, Hal, it's just that your wife is kind of a pill.
Hal: What? Well, maybe that's your opinion, buddy, but that's not the opinion of everyone else here, is it? [others look away] So that's how it is, huh? Well, let me tell you something. I think all of you people are just jealous! My wife happens to be the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful woman in the world, and I don't care to eat with anyone who thinks otherwise. [serves himself a plate of food and then storms off]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Mono’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: Remember when I was in fifth grade and I set the couch on fire? How'd you know it was me? I planted all that evidence, I had Stevie as an alibi. Even Dad thought it was Reese.
Lois: Honestly? I had no idea. You were the first person I saw when I started yelling, and you just crumbled.
Malcolm: You were bluffing, but you seemed so sure.
Lois: Of course, I seemed sure. With you boys, if I showed the slightest weakness or hesitation, the whole thing falls apart. Half the time, I'm just going on blind instinct.
Malcolm: After all these years, five kids, keeping up that act. That's gotta be exhausting.
Lois: Tell me about it. Plenty of days I come home tired from work. The last thing I wanna do is be Lois.
Malcolm: I guess I do the same thing. Sometimes when I come home from school, I don't feel like arguing with you. But it's like that's my job.
Lois: It's funny, isn't it?
Malcolm: I bet half the time if we knew what the other one was really thinking, we'd just burst out laughing.
Lois: We probably would.
Quote from Hal
Hal: [as Rodney Dangerfield] Oh, I'll tell ya. I get no respect. No respect at all. [laughter]
Barry: This is the guy from the luau I was telling you about. He's hysterical.
Hal: [as Jay Leno] Ever notice that stop sign on Maple? Evidently, Mary Keller thinks it's a slow-down-and-check-for-cops sign. [laughter]
Carol: That Hal is so great. Too bad he's stuck with that woman.
Hal: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] That is right, Jay. She never stops there. I will terminate her.
Steve: You know who'd be perfect for him? Ellie. She's just coming out of that bad divorce.
Carol: Stop. That is terrible.
Hal: Hey, ask me for a burger with cheese.
Barry: I'll have a burger with cheese.
Hal: [as Jack Nicholson] You can't handle the cheese.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Okay, Jamie. Here we go. None of Mommy's monster germs are in here. But don't get too comfortable in the big boys' room. It's only temporary.
Dewey: He's never leaving, is he?
Hal: What? No. This is just until it's safe to go back into our room.
Reese: You said the same thing when Dewey moved in. Are you gonna take him back now that your ringworm's better?
Hal: I told you we are still on yellow alert with that!