Malcolm: Remember when I was in fifth grade and I set the couch on fire? How'd you know it was me? I planted all that evidence, I had Stevie as an alibi. Even Dad thought it was Reese.
Lois: Honestly? I had no idea. You were the first person I saw when I started yelling, and you just crumbled.
Malcolm: You were bluffing, but you seemed so sure.
Lois: Of course, I seemed sure. With you boys, if I showed the slightest weakness or hesitation, the whole thing falls apart. Half the time, I'm just going on blind instinct.
Malcolm: After all these years, five kids, keeping up that act. That's gotta be exhausting.
Lois: Tell me about it. Plenty of days I come home tired from work. The last thing I wanna do is be Lois.
Malcolm: I guess I do the same thing. Sometimes when I come home from school, I don't feel like arguing with you. But it's like that's my job.
Lois: It's funny, isn't it?
Malcolm: I bet half the time if we knew what the other one was really thinking, we'd just burst out laughing.
Lois: We probably would.