Hal Quote #786
Lois: What's this? I thought we were going out for our anniversary.
Hal: Honey, this is going to be even better. We are going to stay home and have Kobe beef. [chuckles] [sighs] Okay, I thought you'd be a little excited.
Lois: Ah, I'm sorry, Hal. I'm just a little lost in thought. A friend at work is having, um... marital problems.
Hal: And that's very sad. But we are going to have Kobe beef. Reese is going to prepare its flesh perfectly because he thinks he's going to get some to eat. But he's not. Isn't that great? [laughs]
Lois: That's a good scheme.
Hal: You bet it's a good scheme.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Blackout’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Francis, if it isn't right in the bedroom, it isn't going to be right anywhere else.
Francis: What?
Lois: When I say "the bedroom," I mean sex.
Francis: Yeah, I got it.
Lois: Francis, marriage isn't mental. It isn't even really about feelings. When you get right down to it, it's a sloppy, sweaty physical act. Now, your father may have flaws, he may not make a lot of money, but he has never been other than a rigorous and challenging lover.
Francis: Mom.
Lois: Can I be frank with you?
Francis: No!
Lois: Do you remember sometimes in the morning I'd forget to put juice in your lunchbox? I was lucky I could remember my own name.
Francis: Uh-huh.
Lois: Because, when your father gets down to work, and is intimate with me, he is like a skilled general invading a country. He doesn't just launch an assault by sea, he uses paratroopers and columns of infantry. And even secret agents. [Francis throws up] Honey, good for you. Get it all out. We can talk more later.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Wow. I've never even seen Kobe beef. It's like meeting the Pope, but you get to eat him.
Hal: Exactly. But this is treated much better than any pope was or ever will be. It lives on beer and ice cream. And right up until the moment of slaughter, its rump and thighs are massaged by geishas.
Reese: It should be eating us!