Francis Quote #394
Quote from Francis in Softball
Francis: Reese, damn it, you crazy idiot! Do you know what you are? You're me! Mom was right. We do love trouble. That's why we do stupid, moronic things like this.
Reese: What are you talking about? I'm gonna be famous.
Francis: This isn't about fame. It's about putting yourself in danger for no reason. It's an addiction to pain and suffering. And you know what? I'm done with it. And you should be, too, 'cause it isn't worth it.
Reese: That's easy for you to say. You've already had the glory.
Francis: Glory? You think this stupid, dangerous stunt gave me glory? I'll show you what it gave me. [lowers pants and bends over] Horrible, isn't it? Only the middle one's functional. [all groan] I can go now. I've been set free. Good-bye and good luck.
Boy: 11, 12... He got 12! Reese broke the record! [crowd cheers]
Francis: It doesn't matter! Didn't you people hear a word I said? Are you sure he got... What's the difference? That's not the point! What I'm trying to say is... Give me the bacon. I don't want an asterisk by my record.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Softball’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Francis: I got halfway home when I suddenly remembered the time when I was three years old and you were sick - or so you said - and couldn't drive me to Donnie Dinesco's birthday party. So I rode this tricycle two miles in the pouring rain just to get there. Lazy? I think not. Now, I am not leaving until you apologize.
Lois: All you want is an apology? That's it? Well, you should've said so a week ago.
Francis: But...
Lois: I'm hereby officially sorry. Okay?
Francis: No! Not okay! That is not an apology. That's just one of those cleverly designed apologies that sounds like an apology but isn't one. Now you have to apologize for apologizing. And then apologize!
Lois: You know what your problem is? You know why you can't accept my apology? Because you just can't stand to be happy!
Francis: What?!
Lois: You have an addiction to trouble. You need to have chaos in your life. You always have. I mean, look at you. You have a great job, a nice home, a wife, and you can't stand it. You have to come back here and pick a fight with your mother.
Francis: That's not true. I came back here because you've destroyed any chance any of us ever had for happiness.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Boys, I found the beer you hid in the garage. After all our talks about drinking, you still think it's cool?! Well, it's not! Now, sit down and watch! Look at me! [opens can] I'm Mr. Cool. [drinks beer] Mmm! Everybody digs my scene.
[later:]
Hal: I'm the grooviest dude who was ever grooved on.
[later:]
Hal: [weepy] I just love you boys so much. Who wants a hug?
[later:]
Hal: [sings] Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so
Reese: Took him long enough to find that beer.
Malcolm: Yeah, but it was so worth the wait.
Quote from Dewey
[Reese is eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream and Dewey is eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream]
Reese: It's pathetic to watch Francis when he's around Mom. It's almost like he's her puppet or something.
Dewey: Yeah, it's really awful how she manipulates him. Boy, I sure love this vanilla!
[Reese takes Dewey's largely empty bowl of vanilla ice cream and swaps it for his full bowl of chocolate ice cream]
Reese: Why would anyone do something like that?
Dewey: Well, there is a certain pleasure in secretly controlling someone a lot dumber than you.