Lois Quote #412
Lois: Malcolm, how was your drive today?
Malcolm: Fine.
Lois: Just went to the Lucky Aide and back, that's it, huh?
Malcolm: Yeah.
Lois: The Lucky Aide is only two and a half miles each way, yet the odometer mysteriously gained 23 miles.
Malcolm: Okay, well, after I dropped Polly off, I took the car by myself. I'm sorry. I was just so excited, and I wanted to show off, so I drove around the mall.
Lois: Well, thank you for being honest with me. Now give me the permit.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Two months without driving.
Malcolm: But, Mom...
Lois: Because you were honest with me, I'm not going to wad this up and throw it down the garbage disposal.
Malcolm: That's so unfair! Dad?
Hal: Malcolm, you know I always agree with your mother. Whether or not she holds herself to the same standard.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Hot Tub’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Lois: What is this?
Hal: It's a hot tub, Lois.
Lois: Are you out of your mind? We can't afford a hot tub.
Hal: That's what I said, too, but then the sales guy showed me how wrong I was. Boys, get out here!
Lois: Hal, I can't believe you did this without me. You know we always make these kinds of decisions together.
Hal: It was an in-store promotion. We got 20% off on the spot. Plus a tub club card, plus free caulking. And that's where they kill you, Lois - the caulking.
Quote from Reese
Reese: So you can shoot free throws better than me. Fine. Whatever. Big deal. That's all you've got on me. Can you stop a ceiling fan with your head? I didn't think so. And look at this. [holds up Popsicle in front of own face] My Popsicle's like twice the size of yours. What a score. I am totally...
Malcolm: Reese. [pulls Reese's Popsicle next to his]
Reese: Oh. Never mind.
Quote from Hal
Lois: Hal, you're taking it back.
Hal: What about the boys? Don't they get a say in this?
Dewey: Yeah, Mom, it'll be great for entertaining.
Lois: No, they do not get a say in this because we are not keeping it.
Hal: Well, we're... kind of locked in.
Lois: We're what?
Hal: Lois, you don't get deals like this without making a commitment. It's zero percent interest. If you factor in inflation, it's almost like they're paying us 2,800 bucks.
Lois: $2,800! I can't believe you! You went behind my back, you spent money you had no right to spend to buy a pile of lumber and tubes.
Hal: Don't worry. It has very detailed assembly instructions, which I won't go anywhere near because Malcolm's doing it.
Malcolm: I don't mind.