Francis Quote #157
Quote from Francis in Emancipation
Lois: Francis. I'm listening.
Francis: This is what you get! This is what you get for the way you treated me! I'm going to Alaska and you're going to be left without a son! And the horrible way you treated me is now a matter of public record!
Lois: I treated you?! We made sacrifice after sacrifice for you and you've caused us nothing but pain!
Francis: You want pain? I've got your scars, baby! Three and half years in that horrible school-
Lois: We went without for that school!
Francis: Oh! Oh! Maybe I should thank you? Thank you, mother, for making my life hell!
Lois: Living hell? You've been nothing but a problem since the day you were born!
Francis: I'm outta here!
More Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Quote from Spangler
Spangler: Leaving so soon, cadet?
Francis: Sir, by statute 614 of the Alabama Legal Code, I am officially emancipated and considered an adult. An adult who no longer chooses to attend Marlin Academy. I have copies of the documents if you want to see them again.
Spangler: Oh, no need! I'm sure everything was done on the up and up. But let me tell you something, cadet. In all my years at this academy, I have never had a student who was more bull headed, more committed to avoid learning at all costs. A cadet whose constant byword was insubordination. Thank you, cadet. [hugs Francis]
Spangler: Before you came to this academy I was bored, uninspired... [holds up hook] and this close to retiring. But your insolence and stupidity have been the irritating grain of sand around which has formed the pearl of my renaissance. I like me again. Cadet! As a thanks, I want you to have this. [holds a sword] Normally, these are reserved for cadets who have distinguished themselves or whose parents have donated a building, but you've left your mark here in your own way. So, what the heck!
Francis: Wow! [takes sword out of sheath] Sir, this is great.
Spangler: Farewell, cadet.
Francis: Thank you so much.
Spangler: Careful that's razor-
[cut to Spangler writing on a type-writer with his new right-hand hook]
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Who's Dabney?
Dabney: Me, sir. I took the liberty of ordering you a decaf soy latte.
Mr. Herkabe: Let me guess. Emotionally needy. Closet bed-wetter. You get no affection at home so you'll be seeking it from me. Look elsewhere, son. Who's the anal-retentive outsider [many hands go up]... with repressed matricidal tendencies?
Kevin: That one's from me, sir. Please, stop.
Mr. Herkabe: As you may or may not know I was once one of you, a Krelboyne. And I'm sure I would have made the same lame attempt to ingratiate myself to the new soft-headed thick-wit teaching my class. Oh, yes, I've been there. I've been coddled and preened. "Oh, you're a genius." "You can do anything you set your mind to. It must be so easy being you." Well, bull! [all gasp] All that gets you is an ex-wife and 14 million dollars in debt. Now, I refuse to let you fall into the trap society has set for you. Playtime is over, children! You've had a free ride so far. It's about time somebody motivated you, challenged you, tested your mental limits! Granted, I don't have a teaching certificate from a two-year community college like most of the people I was forced to say hello to this morning in the teachers lounge, but I'm just going to muddle through with my double doctorate from Harvard.
Lloyd: This is a test!
Mr. Herkabe: Correct. You have 20 minutes.
Dabney: There are six essay questions.
Mr. Herkabe: I'm sorry, I thought this was the gifted class. Begin!
Quote from The Grandparents
Malcolm: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: Malcolm, listen, I need to know what Mom used to put in the hot tea when we were sick. Is she around?
Malcolm: I think she's changing the sheets on their bed. Grandma and Grandpa are here.
Francis: Oh, you're kidding. So, did they knock, or did you just hear their cloven hooves clatter up the driveway?
Malcolm: I can't be sure, but I think Grandpa spit at me.
Francis: Look, don't take it personally. They're primeval creatures with tiny little hearts.
Malcolm: Yeah, but there must be some reason...
Francis: Malcolm, they have stupid lizard brains. They're threatened by anyone with an ounce of ambition or intelligence. They'd eat you if they had better teeth.
Quote from Hal's Christmas Gift
Hal: [quietly] I need to borrow $1,800. I'll pay you back over the next six years in monthly payments of $39.50. I have no money to give these boys a Christmas gift and I'm not even sure where I'm driving. I hate to ask you, but I don't know what else to do. I love you.
Francis: Well, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you... I got fired from my job. I'm totally broke.
Hal: What? You got fired from the ranch?
Francis: It turns out the ATM I was making all of Otto's deposits into wasn't an ATM. So sue me, right? Anyway, he's suing me. I don't know what we're going to do.
Lois: You're not moving back in! There isn't room enough in the house! Besides, Piama doesn't want to live with us.
Francis: Piama doesn't even know about it. She thinks I'm on vacation. I've been acting like the happiest man in the world the last few weeks just to hide it from her.
Hal: I have to say, I am a little disappointed in you, Francis. You can't hide something like this from the ones you love. Honesty is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
Francis: Well, I'm sorry I can't help you.