[As Reese sleeps, Malcolm puts his hand in a jug of water]
Malcolm: [to camera] I picked this trick up in camp last year. This is going to be great. Wait for it. Wait for it- Oh, screw it. [pours water on Reese's crotch]
Reese: [wakes up] Oh, man.
Malcolm: What's wrong, Reese?
Reese: Nothing! Just- Just shut up and go to sleep, okay?
Malcolm: [to camera] It's good to be alive.

Francis: [on the phone] What are you doing home?
Malcolm: Mom's sick. She thinks it's Sunday. We kind of went with it.
Francis: Cool. Oh, dude, I need you to do me a giant favor. Go check the mail. Okay, there should be a letter there from Southern Alabama State.
Malcolm: Yeah, it's here. Why, did you apply there?
Francis: No, there's probably no point in me ever trying to apply there. I kind of drove a backhoe into their swimming pool.
Malcolm: Oh, man. Did they have to drain the pool?
Francis: No, if you put a ten-foot crack in them, they pretty much drain themselves. They did have to drain the gym, though.

Reese: I finally figured out how Mom could tell we were lying.
Malcolm: How?
Reese: Pheromones. She could smell the fear on us. Next time you lie, you have to take a shower first.