Hal Quote #850
Quote from Hal in Hal Grieves
Car Salesman: There it is, every option we offer, including some I didn't even know about. Floor mats have undercoating. Comes with a 14-year warranty. We don't sell many of those. All it needs is your signature. [Hal stares off into the distance as he takes the pen] What?
Hal: My dad had the same pen.
Car Salesman: He must've been a great guy. This is a great pen.
Malcolm: We don't really need to get into that right now.
Hal: See, I just lost my dad.
Car Salesman: I'm sorry. Bet he would've loved to see his grandson driving that sports pack. [chuckles]
Hal: I don't know if he would have. He was pretty emotionally distant. He had a lot of trouble showing love.
Car Salesman: Yeah. Old-timers, eh?
Hal: But I didn't care. I didn't care if he had trouble. I loved him. He was my dad.
Car Salesman: You know, I see that you're in a lot of pain right now, and I'm going to need some grief counseling, too, if I let you take me up on this offer I'm giving you. [chuckles]
Hal: I remember coming downstairs in the morning, and he would be at the table and he would say, "Hey, buddy, I'm doing four things at once: I'm watching TV. I'm reading the newspaper. I'm drinking coffee, and I'm talking to you." [chuckles] Isn't that amazing?
Car Salesman: You know, I got a guy whose wife died who's looking at this car, so...
Hal: He didn't have to do anything for me. He was my dad.
Malcolm: Dad. You don't have to do anything for me, either. But if you want to... that'd be great.
[As Malcolm grabs Hal's hand and maneuvers the pen towards the contract, Lois grabs Hal's hand too]
Hal: [sobs] I lost my dad.
Lois: I know. [mouths to Malcolm] You're a dead man.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Hal Grieves’ Quotes
Quote from Abe
Abe: Sounds like he needs to talk to someone.
Lois: Abe, thank you! I know he respects you.
Abe: Not me. I don't want to see him cry. He needs to talk to a professional.
Lois: A therapist?
Abe: No, a professional actor. I suggest William Shatner, TV's Captain Kirk.
Lois: What?
Abe: That's who I turn to in a time of need. Lois, there's this wonderful service where they hook up ordinary people with celebrities. You pay a fee, and you get a phone call from your choice of participating TV or movie stars. Well, mostly TV stars.
Lois: And you think this is something Hal would want?
Abe: Absolutely! He's a huge fan of classic Trek. It's not something you share with your wife. Lois, believe me, I don't think I would've gotten through my social anxiety disorder without a few late-night discussions with Agent Mulder. It turns out the truth was right in here.
Quote from Hal
Hal: [on the phone] No, no, no, don't hang up. We've almost made our decision.
Reese: I get three meat toppings for the price of one!
Dewey: No, no! Buy two pizzas, get one free!
Reese: That's two free cheese pizzas! I'd rather eat vomit!
Malcolm: [to camera] The prospect of a deal sends this family into a frenzy. When you throw in pizza, they need me to keep from totally losing perspective. [out loud] Shut up, everyone! Just shut up! If we're not having deep-dish, then I swear I will tear up these "free cheesy bread" coupons right now!
Reese: Damn your cheesy bread! I need toppings!
Dewey: Why don't we just get the stuffed crust special?
Hal: And lose my free bucket of soda? Are you insane?! [on the phone] Now, listen, Dennis, I'm a reasonable man, but I can't go back to my family with a lot of lawyer talk about coupon expiration dates. So why don't we just reduce the two three-fers to two-fers? Five toppings on each, and we'll just grandfather in the wacky wings, okay? No, no, hold on, hold on. This call-waiting guy will not take a hint! [switches line] Hello. I can't talk right now. I- Yes. What?
Malcolm: Dad, come on, you're gonna lose those wings! [Hal hangs up] What?
Hal: My father died.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Wake up, boys! You don't want breakfast to melt!
Dewey: Ice cream?
Hal: Well, last time I checked, you can't have a sundae bar without it. [chuckles] Wake up, Malcolm. [feeds Malcolm]
Malcolm: [splutters] Dad, it's 5:00 in the morning.
Hal: Well, I couldn't sleep until my sons are as happy as I can make them. Today's special, every scoop comes with a hug! And it doesn't stop here. We've got a full day of pick-up basketball in the park, a barbecue, more ice cream, then I thought we'd take a nap underneath a tree, and then catch fireflies.
Dewey: What about school?
Hal: I've got that covered. "Please excuse my son. He has the..." [hands sick notes to Malcolm, Reese and Dewey] flu / explosive diarrhea / a rare bone disease. We may have to get you a cane.
Dewey: Cool!
Malcolm: Does Mom know?
Hal: Please, will you let me worry about your mom, okay? Seriously, though, don't tell her. Now, who wants a ride on top of the car?