Jessica Quote #524
Quote from Jessica in Jessica Stays Over
Malcolm: I'm going to tell my mom how I can't beat people's expectations on my science test.
Jessica: Are you a complete moron?
Malcolm: What?
Jessica: [scoffs] Amateurs. You are not trying to manipulate a guy here, Malcolm. You have to use your brain.
Malcolm: But it worked great last time.
Jessica: Which is why you can never use it again. Especially with your mom's radar. Come on, sit down, listen to me. You got lucky the first time. But if you want to pull this off, getting the car two nights in a row, you have to be very, very good.
Malcolm: Why can't I just-
Jessica: Hey! Do you want to ride Jamie's Big Wheel to the party? I am telling you, you have to share some real fear or feeling of inadequacy. If you are not totally honest, she will see right through your scam.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Jessica Stays Over’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Dewey: Is that a bee?
Hal: That is how you know it's fresh. You won't find any bees in your store-bought honey, I'll tell you that much.
Dewey: Where did this come from?
Hal: Spoils of war, Dewey. You know that beehive in the toolshed I've been battling for months? Victory is mine.
Dewey: You did it yourself? How'd you know how to do that?
Hal: It's instinctual. See, human beings were born with everything they need to destroy bees. Except the poison, you have to buy that.
Dewey: I feel kind of sorry for the bees, though.
Hal: It's survival of the fittest, Dewey. If they had won, they'd be spreading us on toast right now.
Quote from Reese
Reese: You can bite my American ass, Zhao Lee.
Dewey: What's that?
Reese: The school made us adopt pen pals from different countries. I got stuck with this loser from China.
Dewey: What's wrong with China?
Reese: It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks autographed by the emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. He's so arrogant. When I draw squiggles, it's nonsense. When he does it, it's a language. I was so pissed. But then I thought, be the better man, and reason with the guy.
Dewey: "Do you want me to kick your butt? Check yes or no."
Reese: And there's his response. He couldn't even follow simple instructions.
Dewey: "You need help, Reese."
Reese: He thinks a whole planet between us is going to protect him. He thinks he's so smart. We'll see who's smart when I mail myself to China and kick his upside-down ass.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Six boxes of cereal, two gallons of milk, eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, adult diapers and Madlibs.
Dewey: You thought of everything.
Reese: And I also packed some barbells so I can get there in fighting shape.
Dewey: They look like soup cans.
Reese: You noticed. See, there's a lot of things that serve two purposes. Like my pillow. It's stuffed with M&M's so I can sleep and snack from the same source. It's the same way NASA designed the old space capsules.
Dewey: The very same.