Hal Quote #767
Quote from Hal in Jessica Stays Over
Dewey: Is that a bee?
Hal: That is how you know it's fresh. You won't find any bees in your store-bought honey, I'll tell you that much.
Dewey: Where did this come from?
Hal: Spoils of war, Dewey. You know that beehive in the toolshed I've been battling for months? Victory is mine.
Dewey: You did it yourself? How'd you know how to do that?
Hal: It's instinctual. See, human beings were born with everything they need to destroy bees. Except the poison, you have to buy that.
Dewey: I feel kind of sorry for the bees, though.
Hal: It's survival of the fittest, Dewey. If they had won, they'd be spreading us on toast right now.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Jessica Stays Over’ Quotes
Quote from Reese
Reese: You can bite my American ass, Zhao Lee.
Dewey: What's that?
Reese: The school made us adopt pen pals from different countries. I got stuck with this loser from China.
Dewey: What's wrong with China?
Reese: It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks autographed by the emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. He's so arrogant. When I draw squiggles, it's nonsense. When he does it, it's a language. I was so pissed. But then I thought, be the better man, and reason with the guy.
Dewey: "Do you want me to kick your butt? Check yes or no."
Reese: And there's his response. He couldn't even follow simple instructions.
Dewey: "You need help, Reese."
Reese: He thinks a whole planet between us is going to protect him. He thinks he's so smart. We'll see who's smart when I mail myself to China and kick his upside-down ass.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Six boxes of cereal, two gallons of milk, eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, adult diapers and Madlibs.
Dewey: You thought of everything.
Reese: And I also packed some barbells so I can get there in fighting shape.
Dewey: They look like soup cans.
Reese: You noticed. See, there's a lot of things that serve two purposes. Like my pillow. It's stuffed with M&M's so I can sleep and snack from the same source. It's the same way NASA designed the old space capsules.
Dewey: The very same.
Quote from Hal
Lois: Hal what are you doing home? It's 10:15.
Hal: It's that bee, Lois. He attacked me again on my way to the car. I barely made it back in here. The damn thing won't leave me alone. He's on some crazy vendetta.
Lois: Hal!
Hal: Okay, maybe it's not that crazy when you think about it. I mean, I did kill all his family and friends and basically destroyed his whole world. That's got to come as a blow.
Lois: Hal, you have got to go to work.
Hal: I know, you're right. This is absurd. [sighs] Okay. Here's the plan, Lois. I am going to move very casually toward the back door and draw his attention over there.
Once he's diverted, you run lickety-split to my car and drive it right up here to the side doors. Honk the horn. Two short beeps, then one long. I'll count to three, we'll open the doors simultaneously.
Lois: You've got to be kidding me.
Hal: Hey, I am not going to let some bee run my life.