Lois Quote #566
Quote from Lois in Tiki Lounge
Hal: You know what would help?
Lois: What?
Hal: If you changed your mind and told me that you believed in heaven.
Lois: You want me to lie to you?
Hal: It's not lying if what you say would be true if the facts were different. I'll work with whatever you give me. If you just say the words, you'll be giving me a tiny little gray area where I can live in peace for the rest of my life. I can live in gray, Lois. Let me live in gray!
Lois: Hal, I'm sorry, I have to tell you the truth.
Hal: Why?
Lois: Because it's what I believe in. It's what I hang onto. The truth is all that I have. If I could give it up for anybody, I would give it up for you, but I just can't.
Hal: [whines] Heaven's going to suck!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Tiki Lounge’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Malcolm: You wanted to see me, Mr. Herkabe?
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, one of the many perks of working in the glamorous field of public education is the constant opportunity to suddenly increase your workload. It's as big a morale booster as the constant chiseling of gum from one's shoes...
Malcolm: You know, you can come right out and tell me how you're screwing me over. You don't have to make a speech every time.
Mr. Herkabe: Be patient.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Yesterday I was informed that all faculty members must serve as advisors to at least one of the school's many clubs and organizations. I've been assigned the North High Boosters.
Malcolm: And you're telling me because...?
Mr. Herkabe: It's coming. The Boosters are only nine members, which makes it a group. We need ten for it to be a club. And if it isn't a club, I don't get my $200 advisor fee.
Malcolm: You want me to join?
Mr. Herkabe: I love it when a victim fully grasps the horror. You have proved a worthy patsy.
Malcolm: I don't want to be in your stupid club.
Mr. Herkabe: It's not a club until you've joined. Keep up.
Malcolm: Okay, what's the blackmail?
Mr. Herkabe: [sighs] Why must you rush these things? As Vice Principal, I write the college recommendations. I've written two for you. One has your complete academic record. The other has your complete academic record and a short paragraph about your personality.
Malcolm: That's not fair!
Mr. Herkabe: The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow. Come early if you want spirit cookies.
Quote from Malcolm
Mr. Herkabe: They don't like you any more than you like them. They think you're too lazy and selfish to be Booster material.
Malcolm: You're lying.
Mr. Herkabe: Oh, my God, you care.
Malcolm: No, I don't. They're a bunch of hypocrites pretending to be into charity just to have an excuse to throw parties and socialize and be surrounded by balloons.
Mr. Herkabe: Is this going to devolve into you shambling around the quad come next June desperate for someone to sign your yearbook?
Malcolm: Calling me selfish and lazy? I could raise ten times the money those idiots ever could!
Mr. Herkabe: Please. You're not seriously thinking of "showing them a thing or two," are you?
Malcolm: Shut up!