Craig Quote #116
Quote from Craig in Malcolm's Car
Craig: I need you to cover the rest of my shift for me.
Lois: Again? Craig, what's going on?
Craig: Paula wants to surprise Fred for their anniversary. He's a big golfer, so she wants to learn how, so I've been giving her lessons.
Lois: But you don't know how to golf.
Craig: True, but somehow she got the idea that I only missed the cut at the Masters by three strokes.
Lois: You lied to her?
Craig: Lois, my job here is hanging by a thread. I thought if I could help the boss's wife surprise him with a game of golf, they'd end up kissing on the 18th green, and maybe I'd be in there somewhere getting the credit for it.
Lois: Or you could just work hard at your job and then you wouldn't have to suck up.
Craig: Lois, I don't have time for your fantasies. I'm in trouble here. The first few lessons we worked on driving the cart, but now she wants to know how to swing a club. I need to take a lesson so I can bluff my way through her lessons.
Lois: Craig.
Craig: Please, Lois. I can't lose this job. This is the only true thing on my resume.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm's Car’ Quotes
Quote from Craig
Craig: Oh, Lois, thank God. Fred asked me to scrub out the Dumpsters tonight, but Paula wants to work on her short iron, so I had to schedule an emergency lesson with the golf pro. The guy charges, like, 90 bucks an hour. It's really eating away at my savings, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself, and, oh, my God, you know about the affair. Damn it! Damn it! You do know, right?
Lois: Yes, I know.
Craig: Damn it!
Lois: Craig, how could you lie to me after all I've done for you? I let you sleep on our floor when you though your cat's ghost was trying to kill you. I settled that feud between you and the Girl Scout troop.
Craig: They started it.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Do you believe this?
Hal: What happened?
Lois: I was half way through my haircut when Troy casually mentioned that his price had gone up from $21 to $28. And he thought I would just sit there and take it. Well, I showed him, Hal. I got up and I walked right out of there. This is extortion, pure and simple.
Quote from Reese
Reese: You are going to be so proud of me.
Malcolm: Why?
Reese: I spent the last five nights in a chat room reeling in this creep named Heinrich. I got his address and showed up at his house with a printed transcript of our conversations. He calls me "Sugarbuns" 15 times on nine separate occasions.
Malcolm: Reese.
Reese: So the guy starts crying, "What about my wife? What about my kids? I'll do anything." Entrapment. It's not just for police anymore.
Malcolm: Why do I care about this?
Reese: The guy works at the racetrack. He's going to make bets for us on the horses we pick. Well, the horses you pick. This is tomorrow's racing form. You'll pick the winners and I'll place the bets, we split the winnings 50-50, like brothers.
Malcolm: That's kind of nice.
Reese: Yeah. I got to keep this guy on his toes. Time to leave a suspicious message on his answering machine.
Malcolm: [to camera] Wow, blackmailing a pervert to facilitate underage gambling. How could this not work out?