Barney Quote #1925
Robin: So the hairdresser shows up at 2 on Sunday.
Barney: Great. And while you do that, I'll check in on the ring bear.
Robin: I'm sorry, you're saying "ring bearer," right?
Barney: Ring bear.
Robin: Okay, look into my eyes and say: "I promise that I'm not bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding."
Quote from Robin
Robin: There's gotta be someplace to bang here.
Barney: I'm starving. I knew we should've hit the buffet...
Robin: [slaps Barney] Don't say "buffet." That attracts old people. Same goes for "coupon," "60 Minutes," and "Mandy Patinkin."
Barney: What? Robin, you're being paranoid. Old people don't magically sense it when you say "Mandy Patinkin." [echoing] Patinkin.
Quote from Lily
Lily: Hey, Ted?
Lily: You wrote down all these things to say goodbye to, but so many of them are good things. Why not just say goodbye to the bad things? Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost. To all the times it was a "no" instead of a "yes." To all the scrapes and bruises. To all the heartache. Say goodbye to everything you really want to do for the last time. But don't go have one last Scotch with Barney. Have the first Scotch toasting Barney's new life. Because that's a good thing... And the good things will always be here waiting for you. What?
Ted: Turn the page.
Lily: "Get one last life lecture from Lily." Well, you're dreaming if you think that's the last one of those.
Quote from How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.