Ted Quote #574
Quote from Ted in The Front Porch
Future Ted: [v.o.] The next night, I was still angry at your aunt Lily. Until...
Karen: Hi.
Ted: Hi. What are you...
Karen: Lily came by and explained everything. And she gave me this note for you.
Lily: [on the note] "Ted, I'm sorry. It doesn't matter to me who you marry. I know they'll be awesome because they'll think you are. To show I mean it, I put together a little surprise for you and Karen upstairs. Love, Lily."
Marshall: [on the note] "P.S. Sorry the envelope was already open. I had to read what she wrote. Marshall."
Karen: Sabotaging our relationship? I got to say, even using the specially-ordered extra-low bar by which I judge your friends, Lily really outdid herself this time. Obviously, we can't ever see her again. I know. It's a big loss, right?
[fantasy scene of Ted and Karen on the front porch:]
Karen: Hey, remember your old college roommate? He was married to that shrill little idiot girl.
Ted: Marshall. Oh, it's been so long.
Karen: God, I hated him. Anyway, here's his obituary.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Front Porch’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Ted: Who else?
Lily: Remember that weird sci-fi girl who wanted you to propose after, like, two months? You barely even liked her, but you were still thinking about it, so...
[flashback to Ted and Marshall, dressed as Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca, in line outside the movie theater. A woman in a Darth Vader costume approaches them.]
Lily: Listen, Ted, you're great, and this is so difficult, but I think we're looking for different things. So, live long and prosper. Or whatever.
[present:]
Ted: That was you? This is insane!
Quote from Marshall
Barney: So you're this comfy every night, and Lily still has sex with you?
Marshall: Yeah. That's what marriage is all about, man, unconditional love. You can wear whatever you want and still get laid.
Barney: Tell me more about being married.
Marshall: Well, sometimes, when you're married, you wake up to the smell of breakfast already on the table.
Barney: And coffee, too?
Marshall: And coffee, too. Sometimes, she'll even put out a vase of freshly cut flowers.
Barney: I love flowers. And sometimes, when you're worried you've made all the wrong decisions in life and you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do then?
Marshall: Well, she tells you that you're great and it's all gonna be okay.
Barney: That's wonderful. And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with?
Marshall: I mean, I guess. Maybe if you agreed upon that beforehand, yeah. [Barney's asleep] Mm, little guy had a big day. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Sweet dreams, slugger.
Quote from Ted
Ted: And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.
Robin: Wow. So you ended it?
Ted: Yeah. So if you want to be my plus one, Lily's a damn good cook.
Robin: Mmm. Beef pot pie, mac and cheese, homemade buttermilk biscuits.
Ted: Well, no wonder Marshall dies at 68.