Ted Quote #572

Quote from Ted in The Front Porch

Lily: How did it happen?
Ted: Oh, it was the stupidest thing. I mean, we were just hanging out, you know, being funny...
[flashback to Ted and Karen having a pillow fight in bed:]
Ted: You're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.
Karen: Ew, no, you're the fan of 2002 Chiantis. Wait. What is this?
Ted: Looks like one of Robin's earrings. Huh, that's weird. You're the fan...
Karen: How did it get in your bed?
Ted: I don't know.
Karen: Have you been sleeping with Robin?
Ted: What? No, of course not! It, it probably got mixed in with the laundry or something.
Karen: Why should I believe you?
Ted: Um, maybe because I've always been faithful to you while you've cheated on me, like, six times, bitch.
[present:]
Lily: Oh, snap!
Marshall: Cold-blooded!
Ted: Right? Right? I totally should have said that.

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 ‘The Front Porch’ Quotes

Quote from Lily

Ted: Who else?
Lily: Remember that weird sci-fi girl who wanted you to propose after, like, two months? You barely even liked her, but you were still thinking about it, so...
[flashback to Ted and Marshall, dressed as Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca, in line outside the movie theater. A woman in a Darth Vader costume approaches them.]
Lily: Listen, Ted, you're great, and this is so difficult, but I think we're looking for different things. So, live long and prosper. Or whatever.
[present:]
Ted: That was you? This is insane!

Quote from Marshall

Barney: So you're this comfy every night, and Lily still has sex with you?
Marshall: Yeah. That's what marriage is all about, man, unconditional love. You can wear whatever you want and still get laid.
Barney: Tell me more about being married.
Marshall: Well, sometimes, when you're married, you wake up to the smell of breakfast already on the table.
Barney: And coffee, too?
Marshall: And coffee, too. Sometimes, she'll even put out a vase of freshly cut flowers.
Barney: I love flowers. And sometimes, when you're worried you've made all the wrong decisions in life and you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do then?
Marshall: Well, she tells you that you're great and it's all gonna be okay.
Barney: That's wonderful. And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with?
Marshall: I mean, I guess. Maybe if you agreed upon that beforehand, yeah. [Barney's asleep] Mm, little guy had a big day. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Sweet dreams, slugger.

Quote from Ted

Ted: And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.
Robin: Wow. So you ended it?
Ted: Yeah. So if you want to be my plus one, Lily's a damn good cook.
Robin: Mmm. Beef pot pie, mac and cheese, homemade buttermilk biscuits.
Ted: Well, no wonder Marshall dies at 68.