Ted Quote #143
Quote from Ted in The Scorpion and the Toad
Lily: I never got in touch because I was too embarrassed. I screwed everything up. I have no job, no place to live. I lost the love of my life. Look, I know I have no right to ask this but do you think Marshall would take me back?
Ted: In a heartbeat. If you called him up, yeah, he'd take you back with open arms.
Lily: Wow. So, maybe I should call him?
Ted: Maybe? No! This is... Ow! Hold on. Look. If you're gonna go back to him, I don't wanna hear the word "maybe". "Maybe" cannot be in your vocabulary. This break-up almost killed him. And he cannot go through it again. So, unless you're absolutely certain, stay the hell away from him.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Scorpion and the Toad’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Marshall: And the pizza there. Worst pizza ever! I'm so glad to be back in New York.
Marshall: Yeah.
Lily: Listen, if there is anything I can do to even begin to make things up to you.
Marshall: Actually, there's maybe something you can do for me. But you can never ever ask me why.
[cut to MacLaren's, where Barney is still with the twins:]
Barney: So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er. Manager. Why do I keep doing that? [Lily arrives] Lily?
Lily: You gave me chlamydia, you jerk! [throws a drink at Barney]
Barney: So, where was I? Ah yes. Assistant ménage-er. I did it again. I can't believe it!
[Lily returns wearing a hat]
Lily: You gave my twin sister chlamydia, you slime! [throws another drink]
Barney: Wait, wait, I know magic. Well played, Eriksen. Well played.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl.
Marshall: You went home with her!
Barney: Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me, you would've had a shot with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five! ... Nice!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York city is like... Pfff... What's something everybody likes?
Marshall: Candy.
Barney: Yeah! It's like being in a candy store. You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers. Yeah. Is Whoppers the best ones?
Ted: Mounds.
Barney: Milk Duds.
Ted: Gobstoppers.
Barney: Um...
Future Ted: [v.o.] This went on for another hour. I'll just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles.
Barney: Nice!