Barney Quote #169

Quote from Barney in Mary the Paralegal

Barney: Do it. Come on, Ted, do it. This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.
Ted: Sleep with a prostitute?
Barney: No, lose your virginity. What up! Statistic: Men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships.
Marshall: You just made that up.
Barney: Withdrawn.
Marshall: Lawyered.

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 ‘Mary the Paralegal’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls. Look, I shouldn't go.
Marshall: You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her.
Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better, triple threat: hotter and bigger boobs.
Ted: That's only two.
Barney: Count again.

Quote from Lily

Robin: You okay?
Lily: Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm just exhausted from work. The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. It's much harder to deal with because, well, I don't get my nap.
Robin: Wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? Is that safe?
Lily: Well, they're only five. What are they gonna do to me?

Quote from Ted

Ted: Well, it's getting late. I should get back to my room.
Barney: Your room?
Ted: Yeah, that really expensive hotel room you put on your credit card-- never checked out. By the way, you know what's super fun? Pouring Dom Perignon down a bathtub drain. Well, it's almost 3:00. Got a massage. Toodles. [exits]
Marshall: Come on, if you don't laugh, it just seems mean.