Ted Quote #953

Quote from Ted in Garbage Island

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. And when you first start dating someone, everyone wants to know the same thing.
Ted: How did we meet?
Zoey: Oh, Ted, she doesn't want...
Ted: No, it's a cute story. [v.o.] Once upon a time, Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy called The Captain. So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines.
[flashback to Zoey on the couch with popcorn. Ted sits far back at his desk:]
Zoey: Oh, man, this movie is scary.
Ted: I know, right?
Ted: [v.o.] But then one day, Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. He flipped out and demanded a divorce. And she was heartbroken. But after a little soul-searching, she ended up back in my life, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Wendy: Actually, I said, "How's your meat?"
Ted: Oh. A little cold.
Wendy: Gee, wonder why.


 ‘Garbage Island’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Robin: You really are smitten.
Barney: No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite!
Robin: You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship.
Barney: No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility.

Quote from Robin

Marshall: Garbage Island. You haven't heard of Garbage Island? It's an island... made of garbage! It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas!
Robin: In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. So...

Quote from Barney

Lily: No, it's more than that. It's like, all the stuff he used to love, he suddenly has no interest in anymore.
Barney: Oh. Ha-wink.
Lily: Excuse me?
Barney: Lily, in my travels, I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since... How do I not put this delicately? A girl's been porked. And, boo, you've been pork-free so long, you're practically kosher.
Lily: It's been a while.
Barney: Five weeks, three days by my estimation.
Lily: You should work at a carnival.
Barney: I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds.