Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. And when you first start dating someone, everyone wants to know the same thing.
Ted: How did we meet?
Zoey: Oh, Ted, she doesn't want...
Ted: No, it's a cute story. [v.o.] Once upon a time, Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy called The Captain. So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines.
[flashback to Zoey on the couch with popcorn. Ted sits far back at his desk:]
Zoey: Oh, man, this movie is scary.
Ted: I know, right?
Ted: [v.o.] But then one day, Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. He flipped out and demanded a divorce. And she was heartbroken. But after a little soul-searching, she ended up back in my life, and the rest, as they say, is history.
[present:]
Wendy: Actually, I said, "How's your meat?"
Ted: Oh. A little cold.
Wendy: Gee, wonder why.