Future Ted Quote #163
Quote from Future Ted in The Mermaid Theory
Lily: Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings? No surprise there.
Barney: What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat?
[Lily shrugs]
Barney: If there is one thing you never do, it is call a woman fat right to her face!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Wait. Barney's not a woman. That's right. Barney wasn't hurt by Lily, Lily was hurt by Barney.
[flashback to the gang in the apartment:]
Lily: Want to hang?
Barney: Nah.
Lily: [gasps]
[flashback to Lily and Barney in the street:]
Barney: Watch out!
Lily: Wow. Thanks, Barney. You saved me. [signals to ice cream] You saved us.
[present:]
Lily: If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman fat right to her face!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, now I'm on track. The rest of this story should make perfect sense.
Barney: Oh, Lily, I'm sorry. Hey, you want to see a magic trick?
[Barney makes a bottle of beer levitate above Lily's stomach]
Lily: You're a jerk.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, that makes no sense. Kids, I'm officially admitting defeat. I will never remember this story. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Mermaid Theory’ Quotes
Quote from Future Ted
Barney: Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me. Want to hang?
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Lily said something to Barney that insulted every fiber of his being.
Lily: Nah.
Barney: [gasps]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Wait. No. It had to be more than just, "Nah." Oh, I think she said...
Lily: You're a big... stupid octopus head!
Future Ted: [v.o.] No, that doesn't make sense. Okay, hang on. What did she say? She said, um, uh... To be honest kids, I'm having a little trouble remembering exactly what their fight was about. Hey, it was 20 years ago! I'll remember.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] There was just something about him. We couldn't put our finger on it until...
Marshall: I figured it out! I know what's so creepy about The Captain.
Robin: Okay.
Marshall: Yeah, I snapped this photo of him last time he dropped off Zoey. Observe. The bottom half of his face is smiling. Look, he seems happy. Seems like a nice guy. But the top half of his face, wants to murder you! Cheerful. Wants to murder you. Cheerful. Wants to murder you. Now, hold on. Let me ask him a question. Captain, what do you think of ice cream? Oh, he loves it!
Barney: Captain, what do you think of rainy days?
Marshall: Whoa, he hates them.
Robin: Captain, quick question: How do you feel about the Jonas Brothers?
All: Ooh.
Marshall: What-What is that?
Robin: I don't get it. I don't get it.
Marshall: He hates that he loves them.
All: Ah!
Quote from Ted
Ted: Well, Lily, you were right. Something weird happened with Zoey last night.
[flashback to Ted and Zoey at the museum:]
Zoey: Oh, that's the Captain. Yes, I call my husband The Captain, but that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways. Hang on. [answers phone] Ahoy.