Ted Quote #633
Quote from Ted in As Fast As She Can
Ted: Okay, but just tell me this. Why Tony? I mean, is it the money, the kung fu pajamas? Like, what... What is it?
Stella: He's the one.
Ted: The one.
Stella: Yeah, I know it's kinda sappy, but, yeah.
Ted: Okay, I'm gonna say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have... What I thought for a second you and I had... What I know that Marshall
and Lily have... I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen, and... I guess I'm just... I'm tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.
Stella: You know, I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket?
Ted: Really?
Stella: I was heading upstate to my parents' house doing, like, 90 on this country road, and I got pulled over. So this cop gets out of his car. He kind of swaggers on over and he's, like, "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." And so I looked up at him and I said, "I'm so sorry, Officer. I got here as fast as I could."
Ted: For real?
Stella: No, it's an old joke. I know that you're tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.
Ted: Bye, Stella.
Stella: Bye, Ted.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘As Fast As She Can’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I can talk a stripper into paying me for a lap dance, I think I can talk my way
out of a ticket. Challenge accept... wait for it.
[Barney points to Ted. Marshall and Robin laugh.]
Ted: I don't get it. [Barney gives a "think about" gesture] Oh, Ted. "Accep-Ted." I get it now.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Okay, new topic. I just got a $200 speeding ticket today.
Marshall: Oh, that sucks, dude. You couldn't talk your way out of it?
Barney: You can't talk your way out of a ticket.
Marshall: I've done it. It was... what was it? It was 1998.
[flashback to a police officer writing Marshall a ticket in Minnesota in 1998:]
Police Officer: So where's the fire?
Marshall: There's no fire. Actually, you know, there is a fire at this barbecue I'm headed to. Nothing special.
Burgers, ribs... brats.
Police Officer: Son, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be... Did you say brats?
Marshall: Yeah, brats. My mom marinates them in Belgian beer for two days. No big. Funny thing was, I could've sworn that one of those thick, succulent, hickory-smoked brats had some writing on it. Weird. Anyways, what were you saying?
Police Officer: Well, what did it say? The brat?
Marshall: It said "Property of Minnesota State Trooper Jorgensen." You a brat man, Officer Jorgensen?
Police Officer: You going to this address?
Marshall: Uh-huh.
Police Officer: Follow me and lean on the horn. We're gonna be running some reds.
[present:]
Barney: Well, duh. I would've done that, too, if I'd have been going to a barbecue. Damn, I was.
Quote from Marshall
Robin: "What a nice surprise"? No, a nice surprise would be if a safe fell from 40 stories and smushed them both. I mean, you didn't let them have it?
Ted: No, we had a nice friendly chat, then, they went their way and I went mine.
Robin: Ted, you blew it. He blew it, right?
[Marshall and Barney stand up and applaud Ted]
Marshall: Well played, sir.
Barney: Bravo.
Robin: What?
Marshall: You see, Robin, Ted played it cool, which is exactly what he should have done. As a matter of fact,
I'd say on a scale ranging from...
[fantasy scene of Ted weeping uncontrollably as he talks to Stella and Tony:]
Ted: And I kept this sweater of yours... and sometimes I just sit in the bathtub for hours just, you know, just sniffing it.
[back:]
Marshall: ... all the way to...
[An upbeat Ted with a woman who looks just like Stella wearing a beret and holding a small dog:]
Ted: This is my new fiancée. She's basically Stella, except she's French and, as you can see, she's got enormous cans.
French Stella: Enchantée.
Tony: Enchanté.
[back:]
Marshall: I'd say you nailed it.