Future Ted: [v.o.] And so the next day, Lily returned to the Captain's apartment.
The Captain: Well, how about that. I didn't even realize it was gone. No harm done.
Lily: Wait, if you weren't calling about the ashtray, then why'd you want to see me?
The Captain: Follow me.
Lily: Oh, my gosh.
The Captain: Yep, that night, I ducked back down into the gallery and bought it.
Lily: Shelly didn't stop you?
The Captain: Shelly was off with some archduke she met at the party. No, I just... well, I liked what you said about how you just liked it.
Lily: I still do.
The Captain: Me, too. Anyway, I just sold it for $4 million.
Lily: What?
The Captain: In the year and a half since I bought this piece, the artist has turned into a huge star in the art world. The next Basquiat, they're saying. And nobody saw it coming except you. So I've decided to give you half
my earnings from the sale. [Lily gasps] I'm just kidding. I'm not giving you two million bucks. I mean, I could. Easily... it wouldn't even make a dent for me. But trust me, the tax code being what it is, you do not want to be rich right now. So here's what I'm thinking. I want to get back in the art game, and I need a new art consultant.
Lily: Wait, are you offering me a job?
The Captain: If you want it. What do you say?