Lily Quote #669
Quote from Lily in The Ashtray
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so the next day, Lily returned to the Captain's apartment.
The Captain: Well, how about that. I didn't even realize it was gone. No harm done.
Lily: Wait, if you weren't calling about the ashtray, then why'd you want to see me?
The Captain: Follow me.
Lily: Oh, my gosh.
The Captain: Yep, that night, I ducked back down into the gallery and bought it.
Lily: Shelly didn't stop you?
The Captain: Shelly was off with some archduke she met at the party. No, I just... well, I liked what you said about how you just liked it.
Lily: I still do.
The Captain: Me, too. Anyway, I just sold it for $4 million.
Lily: What?
The Captain: In the year and a half since I bought this piece, the artist has turned into a huge star in the art world. The next Basquiat, they're saying. And nobody saw it coming except you. So I've decided to give you half
my earnings from the sale. [Lily gasps] I'm just kidding. I'm not giving you two million bucks. I mean, I could. Easily... it wouldn't even make a dent for me. But trust me, the tax code being what it is, you do not want to be rich right now. So here's what I'm thinking. I want to get back in the art game, and I need a new art consultant.
Lily: Wait, are you offering me a job?
The Captain: If you want it. What do you say?
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Ashtray’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.
Quote from Barney
Ted: [on the phone] Uh, Captain, can... can I put you on hold?
The Captain: Affirmative.
Ted: He wants Robin's number. Should I give it to him?
Barney: Is he trying to hook up with my fiance? No, uh-uh. The only way that's happening is if I get to hook up with someone, too. Wait a second... No. Unless... Absolutely not. However... Forget it. On the other hand... Ixnay! [slaps himself]
Quote from Barney
Robin: So he invited me back to his bedroom to show me this painting, and...
[flashback to The Captain waiting on his bed:]
The Captain: Finally. We're alone.
[present:]
Barney: Robin, no, I don't want to picture that.
Robin: Nothing happened.
Barney: Aw, that means hand stuff.
Robin: What? No. I'm serious. He was on the rebound. I told him to take some time to pull himself together and call me in a year and a half.
Barney: Ah, great. What if he asks you out? What does that mean for our relationship? What, are we planning to be in some super-enlightened, forward-thinking marriage, where we don't get hung up on the suffocating and outdated principles of monogamy, and instead enjoy the company of multiple partners, sometimes bringing said partners into our marital bed, but just girls, not dudes, except maybe one time just to see what that's like? I mean, is that what you want?
Robin: No.
Barney: Okay. Me, neither!