Kenny Rogers: [on tape] Sparky was my best friend, but after I married Helen, old Spark started to feel a little left out. For so long, it had been just me and him, but now he suddenly felt like Helen had taken his place. What Sparky didn't realize was, even though I loved Helen, I still loved him, too. I had room in my heart for both of them. But maybe I should have put aside some special ball-tossing time just for the two of us to make sure Sparky knew that he was a good boy. I wish now I had, 'cause old Sparky ran out in front of a Cadillac and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows.
Marshall: I'm sorry, Ted.
Ted: I'm sorry! No, I'm sorry. I never should have been mad at you.
Marshall: No, I never should have brought Lily. She pees all the time, even at the apartment. Still bros?
Ted: Best bros. Hey, you want to crank some Van Halen just like old times?
Marshall: Hells, yeah!
Ted: Or listen to the Sparky book again?
Marshall: Listen to the Sparky book again.
Ted: Okay. Let's listen to it again.