Ted Quote #681
Quote from Ted in Duel Citizenship
Kenny Rogers: [on tape] Sparky was my best friend, but after I married Helen, old Spark started to feel a little left out. For so long, it had been just me and him, but now he suddenly felt like Helen had taken his place. What Sparky didn't realize was, even though I loved Helen, I still loved him, too. I had room in my heart for both of them. But maybe I should have put aside some special ball-tossing time just for the two of us to make sure Sparky knew that he was a good boy. I wish now I had, 'cause old Sparky ran out in front of a Cadillac and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows.
Marshall: I'm sorry, Ted.
Ted: I'm sorry! No, I'm sorry. I never should have been mad at you.
Marshall: No, I never should have brought Lily. She pees all the time, even at the apartment. Still bros?
Ted: Best bros. Hey, you want to crank some Van Halen just like old times?
Marshall: Hells, yeah!
Ted: Or listen to the Sparky book again?
Marshall: Listen to the Sparky book again.
Ted: Okay. Let's listen to it again.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Duel Citizenship’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Robin: When I moved to the States, I swore to myself, I wasn't going to change. And yet, here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe, Tim Horton's, around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame, and I don't belong. It's like I don't have a country.
Barney: Okay, that's it. [stands on a chair] Attention, Canada! I am Barney from America. And I'm here to fix your backward-ass country. Number one: get real money. Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a "joke". Number two, and this is the biggie, quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away because, guess what? You don't want her? I'm planting my flag in her - if you know what I mean, which you probably don't - and getting her the hell out of here. You may now return to being pointless. [as Barney sits down, three men stand behind him) Ah, this coffee is excellent. Oh. Hey, fellas. It's called a "tie".
[One of the men gives a signal to a young boy wearing a hockey jersey. The kid slides his hockey stick through the restaurant door handles, then makes a fist punch gesture at Barney.]
Quote from Barney
Barney: But you know, it's not going to be easy, this test. It's not like the Canadian citizenship test.
Robin: How do you know the Canadian test is easy?
Barney: It's Canada. Question one: Do you want to be Canadian? Question two: Really?
Quote from Barney
Barney: How many stars are on the flag?
Robin: 50, one for each state.
Barney: What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called?
Robin: The Bill of Rights. Look, Barney, I know all this. I'm ready.
Barney: Ready for the test maybe, but ready to be an American? Not on your sweet life. For you to be an American, we got to get the Canadian out of you. That's why I've created these questions. Question one: Who is this?
Robin: Queen Elizabeth II.
Barney: No, the answer is Elton John. Question two: "What the hell is this?"
Robin: Oh, curling. Um, it's a sport played...
Barney: Wrong. The answer we were looking for was "I don't care, it's dumb". Let's go buy something that's bad for us and then sue the people who made it. That's American, Robin.