Tim: Well, let's see what Marie made us for dinner tonight. Could it be lamb stew? Honey, would you be offended if I asked Marie to move in with us?
Jill: No. Not at all. She can move in as soon as you move out.
Tim: Hey, Randy, want to taste what's for dinner?
Randy: No, I'm not that hungry.
Tim: Marie made it.
Randy: I'm starving.
Jill: You know, as soon as these finals are over, I'm gonna be back there behind that stove.
Tim: Don't say that, not even joking.

Al: Well, we also have a home security system.
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Burglar- Burglar systems are fine, but when do we get to the high-energy surveillance equipment? Heidi, the high-energy surveillance equipment, please.
Heidi: Here you are, Tim.
Tim: Look at this stuff. Small surveillance cameras, infrared scopes, pocket bug-detectors.
Al: Tim, we're talking home security, not cracking an international spy ring.
Tim: Yeah, but Al, with this stuff, you got the option.

Tim: Now it's time for the night-vision goggles.
Al: Night-vision goggles?
Tim: With these bad boys, you can walk around in pitch black, pick out a burglar. And you'll never whiz wide of the bowl again. What these things do is great, is amplify existing light, like, 2,000 times, just by flicking this switch. [turns Al's goggles on]
Al: Oh!
Tim: It's like looking into the surface of the sun, isn't it? I'm over here, Al. Over here. Actually, these are... These are designed for using when it's totally dark. Heidi, make it totally dark, please. I'll just switch mine on. There! Wow!
Al: Oh, well, now mine aren't working.
Tim: I'll just adjust them. Let me grab a screwdriver out of your toolbelt.
Al: Tim. That's not my screwdriver.

Tim: [whistles] Something smells great. Did you order out again?
Jill: No. Marie knew how busy I was, and look, she cooked us dinner.
Tim: Looks like lasagna. Smells like lasagna. Hm. Important here... [eats] her lasagna tastes like lasagna.

Brad: I'm gonna have to stay up all night to finish this. This job's gonna kill me.
Mark: If it does, can I have my room back?

Randy: If this job's so tough, I mean, why don't you just quit?
Brad: I can't. I already told Mom and Dad that I can handle it. I gotta show them that I'm up to the challenge like a real man.
Randy: Well, if you keep on handing in papers like this, you're gonna be the only real man still stuck in the eighth grade.
Brad: How did I get myself into this? I'm behind in everything. I don't know. Maybe I should just tell them the truth.
Randy: I think you're gonna have to... even though it does go against everything I believe in.

Brad: How much do I have to pay you?
Randy: Well, it depends on how well you want to do. Ten bucks for an A, five bucks for a B, and $2 for handling.
Brad: What's "handling" supposed to mean?
Randy: Well, after I finish it, I have to hand it to you.

Tim: This is great. He's handling this all very well. He's doing his job real good, got an A on that Franco-American-SpaghettiO thing.
Jill: Wait a minute. Listen to this. "Does war bring out the worst in men, or is it the worst in men that brings on war?"
Tim: Oh, oh, oh. That's good. No wonder he got an A.
Jill: That is the same sentence that Randy used on his paper about the Civil War.
Tim: What are you suggesting? Brad wrote Randy's paper.
Jill: Close, but completely wrong. Randy wrote this paper.

Jill: Hey, wait. Mark. What are you doing emptying Brad's trash can?
Mark: Um... It used to be mine.
Jill: Oh, I see. So you missed it and you're just emptying it for old times' sake?
Mark: Exactly.
Jill: Yeah, right. Get your can back down over here.

Tim: If he's having such a problem with it, then why didn't he just come to us?
Mark: He said he had to show you that he was up to the challenge, like a real man.
Jill: Oh, Tim.
Tim: What? You're the one who told him he could do it.
Jill: Me?
Tim: Yeah. I believe the exact words were, "I have my doubts, but if you say so, Tim."