Dwayne Quote #3
Dwayne: I believed in you, Tim Taylor. This is indeed a dark day.
Quote from Randy
Randy: Hey, Dad, I heard a great joke today.
Tim: What was it?
Randy: Okay. What did the moron have for breakfast?
Tim: I don't know.
Randy: This morning you had scrambled eggs and toast. [laughs]
Quote from Al
Tim: Hi, everybody, and welcome once again to Tool Time. I'm Tim Taylor. Of course, you all know Al.
Tim: Al, why would they need to know your last name?
Al: You always tell them your last name.
Tim: Al, if they don't know who I am, they won't know who you are. Right, Al?
Quote from Flying Sauces
Dwayne: You know, I'm out on the job site, way out. Nowhere close to your ordinary kitchen utensils. So I got to improvise. Now, this here, is the dipstick off my '87 two-ton pickup. With this, I make my southern specialty. Shish-ke-billy-bob. Now, the important thing to remember, Tim, before you start cooking is to get all that oil off your dipstick. Now, I like to alternate my meat and my vegetables.
Tim: How do you feel about that, Al?
Al: Well, I'm still thinking about that dipstick, Tim.
Dwayne: I prefer to use USDA Choice cube steak. Pearl onions, green peppers. And just a touch of summer squash for color. No need to make mealtime a drab affair, huh, Tim?
Tim: Perish that thought, Dwayne.
Dwayne: Now, for the seasoning. I turn to my assistant, Pete.
Pete: That would be me. I like to lightly dust the kebab with... just a hint of sage and some tarragon.
Dwayne: Well, I prefer rosemary, but...
Tim: Dwayne, rosemary's much too harsh...
Dwayne: Pete, this is neither the time nor the place. Now, ordinarily, Tim, I would wrap this in tinfoil and put it on a hot engine. But we don't have time for all that. Here, hold that, Al, will you? Thank you. Now. Pete's got one... Pete's got one all cooked up and ready for us to taste.
Pete: There you go, Tim. Give that a whirl. Yeah. How do you like that?
Tim: This is delicious. I detect a hint of 10W-30 on that thing, though.
Quote from Bell Bottom Blues
Tim: Well, then, help me out, guys. How does one man show another man he just appreciates what he does?
Dwayne: Well, you buy him a couple Lions tickets.
Tim: Hey, all right.
Rock: Or let him borrow your truck.
Tim: Good one.
Pete: You could pour beer over his head.
Tim: Yeah, yeah!
Dwayne: And I did not appreciate that.