Al Quote #10

Quote from Al in Up Your Alley

Tim: Hi, everybody, and welcome once again to Tool Time. I'm Tim Taylor. Of course, you all know Al.
Al: Borland.
Tim: Al, why would they need to know your last name?
Al: You always tell them your last name.
Tim: Al, if they don't know who I am, they won't know who you are. Right, Al?
Al: Borland.

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‘Up Your Alley’ Quotes

Quote from Randy

Randy: Hey, Dad, I heard a great joke today.
Tim: What was it?
Randy: Okay. What did the moron have for breakfast?
Tim: I don't know.
Randy: This morning you had scrambled eggs and toast. [laughs]

Quote from Al

Tim: Well, we're gonna be hanging some drywall today, Al Borland.
Al: That's right, Tim Taylor.
Tim: Since we're hanging it, maybe we'll need a noose.
Al: I don't think so, Tim.

Quote from Tim

Tim: The only reason you got a strike is 'cause we're not competing.
Jill: Oh. So, if we were competing, then you'd be throwing the strikes and I'd be throwing the gutter balls?
Tim: Yes, because women collapse under pressure.
Jill: Oh, really? Well, that last ball was a practice ball. This one counts. We're keeping score.
Tim: I thought you didn't want to keep score.
Jill: Is the great, big, bad bowling man afraid his itty-bitty wife is gonna beat him?
Tim: Is the itty-bitty wife afraid the great, big bowling man is gonna leave her in the parking lot?

Al Quotes

Quote from Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from This Joke's for You

Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Tim: Al.
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.

Quote from Room for Change

Tim: Now, to show some of the advantage of soundproofing, the crew and I got here early and constructed a special room. Heidi, my room, please. Now, this room will not only protect you from the elements, keep you warm, but it's also totally soundproof.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. Watch this, Al. Can't hear a word. It's so good. Watch. Talking like this. You walk in. Hi, everybody. It's just great to be here. My name's Tim "The Tool..." [silence] ...Aah! [audience applaud]
Al: That is truly amazing. We did not hear a sound.
Tim: No. That's how it was designed. You gotta try it. Let yourself go. It's great. Yeah.
Al: [in the booth] Tim, can you hear me? [Tim mouths] You can't hear me? In that case, I should be the host of this show. And another thing. That's a stupid haircut you have. And another thing... [sings] I am a very model of a modern major general I've information vegetable, animal and mineral I know the kings of England I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical
Tim: Al.
Al: Yes?
Tim: Al.
Al: Yes?
Tim: Can you hear me?
Al: I can hear you. [audience laughing]
Tim: Think about that. Major General Borland!