Al Quote #194

Quote from Al in Brother, Can You Spare a Hot Rod?

Al: Tim... Blocked roof gutters can form an ice dam, causing the water to back up under the shingles and leak into the house.
Tim: You can melt the ice and prevent it from refreezing using Binford's new heating coils. Now, they're very simple to install. If Marv will come in here and take a look at this. Little clips are fastened underneath the cable, and there underneath your shingles, just like so.
Al: Now, once they are properly in place, they are guaranteed to work every "shingle" time.
Tim: And now you know why Al's a "shingle" man, jokes like that.
Al: In order to demonstrate how these cables melt the snow, we'd have to spend hours installing the coils.
Tim: We'd also have to make it snow in the building.
Al: Hm. And that hasn't happened since Tim blew a hole in the roof.

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 ‘Brother, Can You Spare a Hot Rod?’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Tim: Anyway, Papa Mia is a car collector. He offered me a chunk of change for my hot rod so I sold it.
Wilson: Tim! You sold the hot rod? I'm taken aback.
Tim: Well, I can't take it aback now. I already gave it to him.
Wilson: No, no, no. I'm surprised. You put a lot of work into that hot rod.
Tim: Well, yeah, I did. But the work was kinda what I liked, you know? I was thinking about it today - all the fun I had with it. I got pictures here. Look at this. That's when I first had the chassis.
Wilson: Oh, that is a very photogenic chassis.
Tim: Look, that's when I put the small block in. Rebuilt everything, painted it. That's out of the paint shop. And that's where I bronzed his first set of brake shoes.
Wilson: You know, it's so funny, Tim. Most guys would have pictures of their family in their wallet.
Tim: Yeah, it is funny, isn't it? They're back here.
Wilson: Oh, there they are. Sitting in the hot rod.

Quote from Randy

Jill: Randy, do you realize that every pair of jeans you own have holes in them?
Mark: You're dead. She's gonna take you shopping.
Jill: So, anyway, we're gonna have to go shopping this weekend.
Randy: Mom, shopping with you is really embarrassing.
Jill: It is not.
Randy: You drag me into the stupidest stores, you make me try on dorky clothes, then you follow me into the dressing room.
Jill: Well, it's not like I'm the only mother that does that.
Randy: And if all the mothers jumped into Lake Michigan, would you do it too?

 Al Borland Quotes

Quote from Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from This Joke's for You

Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Tim: Al.
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.