Tim Quote #1476
Tim: Anyway, Papa Mia is a car collector. He offered me a chunk of change for my hot rod so I sold it.
Wilson: Tim! You sold the hot rod? I'm taken aback.
Tim: Well, I can't take it aback now. I already gave it to him.
Wilson: No, no, no. I'm surprised. You put a lot of work into that hot rod.
Tim: Well, yeah, I did. But the work was kinda what I liked, you know? I was thinking about it today - all the fun I had with it. I got pictures here. Look at this. That's when I first had the chassis.
Wilson: Oh, that is a very photogenic chassis.
Tim: Look, that's when I put the small block in. Rebuilt everything, painted it. That's out of the paint shop. And that's where I bronzed his first set of brake shoes.
Wilson: You know, it's so funny, Tim. Most guys would have pictures of their family in their wallet.
Tim: Yeah, it is funny, isn't it? They're back here.
Wilson: Oh, there they are. Sitting in the hot rod.
Quote from Al
Al: Tim... Blocked roof gutters can form an ice dam, causing the water to back up under the shingles and leak into the house.
Tim: You can melt the ice and prevent it from refreezing using Binford's new heating coils. Now, they're very simple to install. If Marv will come in here and take a look at this. Little clips are fastened underneath the cable, and there underneath your shingles, just like so.
Al: Now, once they are properly in place, they are guaranteed to work every "shingle" time.
Tim: And now you know why Al's a "shingle" man, jokes like that.
Al: In order to demonstrate how these cables melt the snow, we'd have to spend hours installing the coils.
Tim: We'd also have to make it snow in the building.
Al: Hm. And that hasn't happened since Tim blew a hole in the roof.
Quote from Randy
Jill: Randy, do you realize that every pair of jeans you own have holes in them?
Mark: You're dead. She's gonna take you shopping.
Jill: So, anyway, we're gonna have to go shopping this weekend.
Randy: Mom, shopping with you is really embarrassing.
Jill: It is not.
Randy: You drag me into the stupidest stores, you make me try on dorky clothes, then you follow me into the dressing room.
Jill: Well, it's not like I'm the only mother that does that.
Randy: And if all the mothers jumped into Lake Michigan, would you do it too?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.