Dwayne Quote #2

Quote from Dwayne in Up Your Alley

Jill: I know it sounds ridiculous but it relaxes me. You should try it. See, just start on your left foot, then go.
Jill, Dwayne & Pete: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."
Jill: And then, after I release the ball. I always do this: Please, please, please, please, please.
Pete: Please, please, please, please, please, please...
Dwayne: Pete!
Pete: Yeah?
Dwayne: You're embarrassing yourself.
Pete: I am not, and you're always criticizing.
Dwayne: This is neither the time nor the place.
Pete: Fine.


Dwayne Quotes

Quote from Flying Sauces

Dwayne: You know, I'm out on the job site, way out. Nowhere close to your ordinary kitchen utensils. So I got to improvise. Now, this here, is the dipstick off my '87 two-ton pickup. With this, I make my southern specialty. Shish-ke-billy-bob. Now, the important thing to remember, Tim, before you start cooking is to get all that oil off your dipstick. Now, I like to alternate my meat and my vegetables.
Tim: How do you feel about that, Al?
Al: Well, I'm still thinking about that dipstick, Tim.
Dwayne: I prefer to use USDA Choice cube steak. Pearl onions, green peppers. And just a touch of summer squash for color. No need to make mealtime a drab affair, huh, Tim?
Tim: Perish that thought, Dwayne.
Dwayne: Now, for the seasoning. I turn to my assistant, Pete.
Pete: That would be me. I like to lightly dust the kebab with... just a hint of sage and some tarragon.
Dwayne: Well, I prefer rosemary, but...
Tim: Dwayne, rosemary's much too harsh...
Dwayne: Pete, this is neither the time nor the place. Now, ordinarily, Tim, I would wrap this in tinfoil and put it on a hot engine. But we don't have time for all that. Here, hold that, Al, will you? Thank you. Now. Pete's got one... Pete's got one all cooked up and ready for us to taste.
Pete: There you go, Tim. Give that a whirl. Yeah. How do you like that?
Tim: This is delicious. I detect a hint of 10W-30 on that thing, though.

Quote from Arrivederci, Binford

Tim: I've always said you can tell a man by the shine of his shoes.
Dwayne: And by how clean his nails are.
Tim: You need a little work on those nails. That's why we've got this line of Binford hand-care products in attractive packaging. Environmentally sound.
Dwayne: I know they're dirty now, Tim, but sometimes on the job site, when you ain't got no water, you can't get your nails clean. So before I step out to the discos, I take a ten-penny nail, and I scrunch out all that filth and crud. Here, Marv, you wanna come in for a closeup?
Tim: No, let's not do that now. Out of respect for people who might be having a meal, we'll forgo that demonstration, but thanks so much for showing us that.
Dwayne: Okay, okay.
Tim: Anything else you guys got for us?
Pete: Well, Tim, probably the biggest grooming problem out on the construction site is... well, helmet hair. [The K&B guys take off their hats]
Tim: Oh, yeah, hat head. [to Dwayne] Not a real big problem on your end, is it? Why don't I just buff that up to a high gloss?

Quote from Up Your Alley

Dwayne: I believed in you, Tim Taylor. This is indeed a dark day.

‘Up Your Alley’ Quotes

Quote from Randy

Randy: Hey, Dad, I heard a great joke today.
Tim: What was it?
Randy: Okay. What did the moron have for breakfast?
Tim: I don't know.
Randy: This morning you had scrambled eggs and toast. [laughs]

Quote from Al

Tim: Hi, everybody, and welcome once again to Tool Time. I'm Tim Taylor. Of course, you all know Al.
Al: Borland.
Tim: Al, why would they need to know your last name?
Al: You always tell them your last name.
Tim: Al, if they don't know who I am, they won't know who you are. Right, Al?
Al: Borland.

Quote from Al

Tim: Well, we're gonna be hanging some drywall today, Al Borland.
Al: That's right, Tim Taylor.
Tim: Since we're hanging it, maybe we'll need a noose.
Al: I don't think so, Tim.