Tim Quote #358
Quote from Tim in Al's Fair in Love and War
Jill: My diary's not in there.
Tim: I'm not looking for your diary.
Jill: Yeah, I saw you not looking for it. You're not gonna find it because I hid it. And if by some chance you do find it, swear to me that you will not touch it.
Tim: I swear on my son's head, I will not touch your diary. And if I do... may he go bald.
Randy: Right, Dad.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Al's Fair in Love and War’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: It's just my diary from college. There's nothing that would interest you in here.
Tim: Really? Hey, what about that steamy night in Saugatuck we spent, huh?
Jill: There might be one short paragraph.
Tim: I bet it says something like. "Tonight, I saw paradise."
Jill: "And it was a very small island."
Quote from Tim
Tim: No, no, no. I promised I wouldn't touch it. [Randy starts to walk away with Jill's diary] Whoa. But that doesn't stop you from putting it out and accidentally opening it up.
Randy: Wait a second. This could be worth something. I could tell Mom about this.
Tim: And I could duct-tape you to a ceiling fan and force-feed you liver.
Randy: How's "August 22. 1974"?
Quote from Randy
Tim: Gather around, my sons.
Randy: What's up, Dad?
Tim: Tonight, we put a carcass on the grill, oil up our bodies, put our loincloths on and celebrate...
the first barbecue of the season. [grunts] And you'll notice, Daddy-o here has a 20-gallon steel cylinder filled with propane. I've increased the outlet valve of this twice over. Which means we'll be cooking with what?
Randy: The fire department?