Tim: Hi, Wilson. I'm looking for Mark. Have you seen him?
Wilson: Well, as the old saying goes, Tim... the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.
Tim: Right, Wilson. I'm looking for my son.
Wilson: What I'm tying to say, Tim, is sometimes, to get what you want, you have to go out on a limb.
Tim: I don't have time for this, Wilson. I'm looking for my boy.
Wilson: [whispers] He didn't want me to tell you.
Tim: What?
Wilson: [whispers] He's up in the tree. Tim, I think he's pretty unhappy.
Tim: Well, Wilson, if you haven't seen him, you haven't seen him. Thanks.
Wilson: Don't mention it, good neighbor.

Tim: Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark. Sure gonna miss him. Probably ran away. Boy, he's the best darned assistant a dad could ever have. I don't think I can finish that mower without him. I don't think I'll be able to rewire anything ever again. Boy, could that kid grunt. No matter where you are, Mark, this one's for you. [grunts]
Mark: [o.s.] [grunts]
Tim: That tree just grunted at me.
Mark: No, it didn't.
Tim: Yes, it did. I heard it.
Mark: No, Daddy. It's me.

Mark: Please don't trade me away, like you did Peter.
Tim: Peter?
Mark: The son you traded in for me.
Tim: What are you talking about?
Mark: The one who broke your flashlight. Don't you even remember him?
Tim: Where do you get ideas... Let me guess. Brad? Randy? [they run away]
Brad: Book it.

Tim: Mark, you wanna listen to this good. I would never trade you for anything.
Mark: Really?
Tim: Really.
Mark: You know that tape measure that you could never find?
Tim: Go ahead, tell me - you lost it.
Mark: No. Brad and Randy broke it.
Tim: Good to have you back, son.

Tim: All right, boys. Prepare yourself for a new age in lawn maintenance. I think we all remember it used to take Dad an hour, an hour and 20, to do the lawn. With this bad boy, a minute and five. I'll cut this thing so fast it'll be afraid to grow.
Jill: Honey, did you put hubcaps on the lawn mower?
Tim: [gruffly] Yeah!
Jill: Why did you do that?
Tim: [gruffly] I don't know.

Brad: Death to the heathens.
Jill: And to all gladiators who jump on my couch. Get off.

Randy: Here's my stuff for the rummage sale.
Jill: Oh, good, good. Spartacus, did you go through your closet yet?
Brad: No, not yet.
Jill: Well, would you please turn off the TV and do that now?
Brad: Mom, this is the bloodiest part.
Jill: Brad, this rummage sale is a fund-raiser to get your hockey team new uniforms. Now, turn off the TV now.
Brad: Aw, man.

Mark: Hi, Mommy. Look, I'm all greased up.
Jill: Well, how nice for you. I think you missed a spot, right here on your nose.
Mark: Good eye, Mom.

Jill: So this is the "slight adjustment" to the riding mower you were talking about?
Tim: Slight 150-horsepower adjustment. What do you think?
Jill: Well, with that engine, you won't just be cutting the grass, you'll be sucking it up by the roots.

Wilson: Hey, hey, hey. You're quite the climber there, little neighbor.
Mark: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: You playing hide-and-seek?
Mark: Just hide.
Wilson: Ah. Anybody in particular you're hiding from?
Mark: My dad.
Tim: [o.s.] Mark? Mark?
Mark: Promise you won't tell him I'm here?
Wilson: Scout's honor.