Brad: We made you a special breakfast. Sit down.
Jill: What did you do?
Brad: Nothing.
Jill: Come on. What did you guys break?
Brad: Nothing.
Tim: Whose cat did you shave?
Mark: No one's.

Jill: Hi, guys. How was school?
Randy: Great. They announced that summer vacation begins in February.
Brad: Yeah. And no one has to do homework ever again.
Jill: That's nice. What else?
Brad: Randy's gonna be in a talent show.
Randy: Shut up!

Randy: She sells seashells down by the seashore.
Mark: Saw your lips move.
Randy: OK, shut up.
Mark: They moved again.
Jill: How's it going?
Mark: He stinks.
Jill: Mark, we're a family. We support each other. Your brother doesn't stink.
Randy: Yes, I do.
Mark: Told you.

Jill: Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. Edgar Bergen didn't learn this in a day.
Randy & Mark: Who?
Jill: Just keep practicing.

Tim: I'm sorry, punkster, but that's the best you did, right there. According to my little quiz, you and I are just not compatible.
Jill: Well, I don't need a test to tell me that. How'd I do?
Tim: 88.
Jill: Out of what?
Tim: Seven million.
Jill: So I guess I'm not Bambi the love goddess, huh?
Tim: Actually, you'll need ten more points to catch up to Tina the inflatable party doll.

Randy: See, Mom, I can't do this. Besides, I feel like an idiot talking to a hanger.
Jill: You shouldn't think of it as a hanger. You should think of it as a real living person. We should give it a name.
Mark: How about Hanger?

Tim: By the way, the other day when I was talking about being incompatible, - you know I was just joking around.
Jill: Good.
Tim: You were kidding too, weren't you?
Jill: No.
Tim: But you're kidding now.
Jill: No.

Randy: Wow, that's great, Dad. But I'm not a very good ventriloquist. My lips keep moving.
Tim: That's why I designed it this way. Watch. Your lips don't have to move. OK, Tim Junior. Look over at me. Hi. Hey. How do you feel about that more power? [grunts]
Randy: Cool. I can do that.
Tim: I know you can. Try to work it out upstairs. All right? In front of that big mirror on your door.
Randy: OK. Thanks, Dad.
Tim: You bet, buddy.

Tim: All right, Tim Jr. I'd like you to meet Jill Jr. [screams]
Jill: Nice hair, helmet head.
Tim: Is that your face, or do you have Dutch elm disease?
Jill: Why don't you look at me when you talk to me? [laughs] You're not a very good ventriloquist. I saw your lips moving.
Tim: Why don't you come over here and I'll show you how they do ventriloquism in France?