Linda: Oh, well. Were you dating him while I was dating him?
Tracy: What's the difference?
Jill: Yeah, it was a long time ago. It was only, what, a few times?
Linda: Wait a second. You knew about this? Hold on, excuse me. How come everyone knew that Tracy was dating Ted except me?
Carrie: I didn't know, but nobody ever tells Carrie anything.

Linda: Jill, if you knew about this why didn't you tell me?
Jill: Because Tracy swore me to secrecy, and you know how I am with secrets. Once it goes in the vault it never comes out.
Tim: [enters] Hey, guys, I need some meat tenderizer. Say, how's the party planning going?
Linda: Well, you know, I don't know. I just found out that Tracy was dating Ted.
Tim: Oh, yeah. Remember when you guys went to the Portuguese restaurant? He had the shellfish. He was sick for a week. Remember that?
Linda: Who told you about it?
Tim: Big blabbermouth. [exits]

Jill: I could hear him from all the way upstairs. It's scary, isn't it?
Randy: How do you live with it?
Jill: [sighs] Watch and learn. [hits Tim with a pillow]
Tim: We'll be back after these messages from Binford.
Jill: Tim, Tim! Honey, honey.
Tim: What? What!
Jill: I need to talk to you.
Tim: Oh.
Brad: Can you guys at least do it outside so we can get some sleep?
Tim: Yeah. Why did you have to wake up the boys?

Jill: Tim, this is a disaster. We haven't done one thing about Mom and Dad's party. If I don't get them to stop fighting it's never gonna happen.
Tim: OK, OK. You got to do what I do to stop my brothers from fighting.
Jill: What's that?
Tim: Crack open a six pack, roll up a wet towel, and snap each other on the butt raising a welt you can be proud of.
Jill: I don't think that's gonna work on my sisters.
Tim: Too bad. They got some great targets.
Jill: Tim.
Tim: All right, all right. You gotta lay down the law with these girls, all right? It's our house. You tell them nobody's allowed to fight in this house. Except you and me.

Jill: I'm gonna give 'em one last chance tomorrow.
Tim: Good.
Jill: And if any of them give me any lip...
Tim: Any lip at all.
Jill: I'm gonna tell Mommy and Daddy.

Jill: Now, does anybody know a good place in San Antonio where we can have a party?
Tracy: Oh, I know a wonderful place that's right around the corner from me, Clancy's. Every chicken breast is exactly 3.5 ounces. I don't even need to bring my scale.
Linda: Ooh, you know what? I've got a better idea. The last time I was at the Riverwalk I found this great new Korean restaurant.
Carrie: Oh, yeah. That ought to bring back some nice war memories for Dad.

Jill: But we have to make a decision about something. I say for the music we should go with the Hank Pfefferman Five.
Tracy: I love Hank Pfefferman.
Linda: Oh, I hate Hank Pfefferman.
Tracy: Oh, you are just saying that because you know that I love him.
Linda: No, I'm not.
Jill: Can't we agree about something?

Carrie: Why am I the only one who's never heard of Hank Pfefferman?
Linda: Thank your lucky stars. The man stinks.
Tracy: Says who, your cat's piano teacher?
Carrie: How do you teach a cat to play the piano?
Linda: A cat can't play the piano. Your idiot sister made that up.
Tracy: Oh, so now I'm an idiot?
Linda: No, you were always an idiot.

Tim: I thought you went home.
Carrie: Home? No. We went to the florist to get some prices and ideas.
Jill: In a cab?
Tim: You had the Nomad. They're not gonna fit in the Healey. And if you think I'm letting them take my Mustang, I don't think so.

[After the boys drag Tim in his sleeping bag out of the tent, Jill comes out and finds Tim asleep, snoring on the lawn.]
Tim: [snoring] [Jill hits Tim's chest] We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.
Jill: Honey. Honey, honey, wake up. You're not on Tool Time.
Tim: Oh. It's too bad. It was a great Gadget Corner. We made a machine that shaved Al's back.
Jill: I have something I want to say to you. What you did today meant a lot to me.
Tim: I know how much your sisters mean to you.
Jill: Yeah. I was always afraid if I lost my relationship with my sisters there would be a big emotional void in my life.
Tim: Voids.
Jill: But now I realize that there... ...can never be a void, as long as I have you.
Tim: [sighing] I just have one question. What am I doing laying out here in the grass?